Tuesday, October 23, 2007

Surprise, Surprise

okay surprise.

the Friday before my 30th birthday i was surprised with plane tickets home to Texas.
on Saturday my sweet husband took me to the great Texas State Fair and then I was surprised with a fabulous party on my parents patio, complete with surprise guests from out of town on Monday, my birthday, i was surprised to find my man took the day off, took the baby so i could sleep in and cooked me breakfast... we spent the beautiful fall day at the zoo with the baby and had a beautiful baby-less evening out.

this morning on the first day of the 30th year of my life I was surprised to be puked on 5 times starting at 4am. Jackson has a stomach bug... I've had to change clothes 6 times today. It's coming out both ends.

Friday, October 19, 2007

Wednesday, October 17, 2007

Say What?

a little something about me: I am a lady of luck... not in the blow on your dice or rub my buddha belly kind of way, but more along the lines of love. i was in love with Jesse way before he was in love with me. before we were ever even friends i had this really weird crush. it might have been cool if I had just walked up to him one day and said "hey, i don't know you well, but for some crazy reason everything in me simply feels like it agrees with you and I just want to stand next to you all the time." i just didn't have those kind of guts. plus i was absolutely sure he'd think i was PSYCHO. i specifically remember asking, nay begging the Lord one morning in Kansas City "please God, please, please, please, please God have Jesse look my way and make him like me." i was utterly convinced that if i could be near him i would be happy all my days. the thing is... i had no REASON to think these things i was completely unexplainable. i always walked away feeling silly, a little bewildered, and absolutely determined to move on towards someone more inviting... but our paths would cross some months later and i would loose my breath if we made eye contact. this went on for a few years. YEARS i tell you.

today jesse is off to work with adults who sometimes make people feel uncomfortable because they cannot hid their weaknesses. he helps them participate in the world, to be seen as active members of society... to have fun. then tonight he will go make tasty beverages for a few people who show up to hear the music of a localish band. and then he'll come home and kiss me. perfect. i was told long ago that i was created to fit into the space next to this man... but I had no idea the truth of it.

here's what I want to get at. I can trust that the Lord wants to show me new things, tell me secrets, expand His presence in my life, share His desires with me... and the reality of this Truth crawls in bed with me every night, kisses me good morning and farts ALOT.

those years and years ago I didn't know I could trust anything from the Lord outside of a Bible verse. it is so true. I was thinking about our story today and how timid i was to believe what the Lord wanted to communicate to me about Jes. Back then I knew the Lord desired communication, intimacy, and to reveal more of Himself to me, but I believed it could not be completely trusted unless it came in the form of a bible verse, or a thought that came about while reading a bible verse, or while sitting in a Bible church listening to a qualified someone speak about a Bible verse. The Bible was an idol to me. It happens... it happens all the time. I lived in that idolatry for years. I also DIDN'T truly believe Jesus transcended the theology or biblical exegesis of man. And could I be trusted to hear really Him? I was to read the Bible and receive teaching... that was my gig in this spiritual journey.

it has taken me a long time to not replace following Jesus with following the Bible. I am learning everyday to believe... to just believe. I want to believe outlandishly. Maybe I even want to believe recklessly. I want to believe what I hear and I want to believe what you hear, all of it. The visions and dreams that seem out there, crazy or impossible. I want to hear about them without fear because I want to trust if we are off the mark, He is always merciful to judge us and set us straight again. Pride be damned. This is what I ask the Lord for.

those years ago, I wish I had acted on what I knew about Jesse. That I would have been unfaltering in my assurance of the Lord's voice... instead of living in insecurity and confusion. which, of course, only caused pain to myself and others. I loved very selfishly before Jesse. Jesse has been the one to teach me how to love well. This was the Lord's idea.

we are told to remember the Lord, remember what He has done in our lives... ponder where we have been and the experiences that have moved us farther into Him. These days, when I hear something... when there is a word that stirs up in my spirit I remember to trust He speaks to us still, that I, as a daughter, can hear Him and act confidently upon His prompting in the craziest of circumstances. I don't have to understand how or when, only that He is to be trusted above ALL THINGS... I am literally married to this revelation.

Monday, October 08, 2007

Today is Columbus Day.

I object to Columbus Day. If I were to meet Christopher Columbus in some kind of weird rip in the space time continuim... I'd give him a swift kick to the nads. I would.

Friday, October 05, 2007

Jackson, meet nature.

I do apologize for my empty promises. I haven't been around the blog lately. I'm sorry, Kate, I haven't updated due to the fact I've been busy introducing Jackson to nature. We haven't an African safari close by, nor beach, nor lovely dominican mountain road... but we DO have Pick-Your-Own-Apple-Orchards. Which are very nice and yummy.

I miss all my beautiful friends that are scattered about the world right now. Some people have everyone they love in a 40 mile radius, i'm one of the other people whose heart is always stretched across almost every ocean. Africa. Chile. China. Dominican Republic. Puerto Rico. the American Northeast, Midwest, South... I should say that as much as I ache to gather you all up and enjoy your company on the patio this evening... I love that you are there, wherever it is you happen to find yourself today, the things you see, the people you're with. I'm a better person, I have a wider soul, because we're friends.

So if you want to come over I can offer you some apple pie, or baby apple sauce... whatever your preference.

Thursday, October 04, 2007

The Quick and the Dead



Let' go Cowboys.