Friday, January 27, 2006

Happy Friday

the husband of my friend becca's wedding coordinator has a company. share the love.

Honey, I'm Late.

Lot's of good things come from lateness. Like babies, free airline miles and

Number One: My new shoes. Umm...hi my name is Jesse..(Hi Jesse!) and...uh.. I've worn orthopedic shoe inserts. In jr. high I sported the Jordans. In fact, I still have my pair of red and white 85's. At some point in highschool I switched to the Vans per the Grunge Guide To Anti-Style page 34. Since that time my shoe allegiances have been mostly determined by budgetary constraints. I bottomed out awhile ago. Things were real rough... and before I knew it, I found myself at the shoe store purchasing a pair of Nike "walking shoes" along with some Dr. Schoel's cushioned inserts. Bill, my sponsor, said it was a cry for help. But thanks to the support of a loving community and some sweet-ass Macbeth London II's, I'm proud to admit I'm back on the wagon (or is it off the wagon...). I just hit the one month mark and am proud to say that thanks to their support staff and commitment to the indie music scene, I haven't even been tempted to go back once. I just wish I'd known sooner...perhaps I wouldln't have lost the wife and kids.

Number Two: My favorite album of 2005.

Very, very late on this one. How late? I found my favorite record of 2005 in 2006. Take the Flaming Lips, replace the gimmicks with talent, and you have Mr. Stevens. (Not that I'm ripping the FL's. Im looking forward to this.)

Other notable "Honey I'm lates..":

Arcade Fire's Funeral...

Oh, and as it turns out 81 points is good but its not 10,000.

Here's to those of us that can score without the ball.

Monday, January 23, 2006

Are we still doing this? Is it still cool?

Yeah, I'm not sure if this is "so last week'" but damn it, some of us work with an 11 year old attached to us at all times! But Monday's.. ahh, Mondays, elementary chapel day!

4 JOBS I'VE SLAVED MY ARSE OVER (I'm not much of an arse slaver... some people call this 'lazy' but I prefer the term 'not stressed out by the need to over achieve':
1. hostess and waitress all over the Rockwall Metroplex
2. camp barnabas couselor
3. educator for the behaviorally disordered/educator for the kindergarten-ed
4. early childhood specialist for every teenage mom and foster kid in Dallas

1. Bill Murray Ghostbusters/Stripes/Lost in Translation (excluding Broken Flowers)
2. Airplane
3. Moulin Rouge
4. Kung Fu Hustle

1. The Simpsons
2. The Seinfeld
3. The Mythbusters
4. The Daily Show with The Stewart

1. Northern North America - such as British Columbia
2. Mid North America - places like KC, Colorado, Boston
3. South North America - Mexico
4. South America - all of it.

4 WEBSITES YOU VISIT DAILY:(don't see much of interest on the web so i'll go with my top 4 affections from the early 90's that i refuse to let go of)
1. The Counting Crows
2/3. Reality Bites the Movie, Reality Bites the Soundtrack
4. My Doc Marten's

1. mosquito removal
2. an inverter
3. some drawers
4. self sweeping/mopping floors

You know who you are.

Wednesday, January 18, 2006

10 Things I Think I Think (vol. 2)

Back in the D.R. after some Festivus fun in the states means an international "10 Things..." this week.

1. I think if you look closer at any given manger scene you'll find the sweet glow of televised football. NFL, BCS, Pee-Wee, Powder Puff... whatever. Living in the land of perpetual baseball I forgot how we Americans take the ol' pigskin intravenously during the holidays. So, while taking in all the bulbous action I made a few observations:

a. Enough already of this:

Ahh the giant "D" and picket fence routine. Here's a question, when's the last time anybody even saw a picket fence? Whoever invented this routine (in a wife-beater, in a trailer, in-toxicated) needs to own up and call for a stoppage. I will however suggest some possible replacements:


b. Congrats to the Longhorns. But you have two big problems. One, this man needs to be banned from Austin for life: PLEASE HOOK HIM UNTO DEATH!!!

And two, Vinnie Young decided to go pro and immediately got very confused and began trying to find the open receiver at a Houston Rockets game. That senior year might have been helpful.

c. If you are a pro-athlete please stop the "God props." The sky pointing is bad enough but "interview props" are especially annoying.

"Hell of a game out there today Kurt. Seemed like you couldn't miss"

"Hey, I owe all the thanks to Christ"

Alright, barring the fact that as a good Jewish lad Jesus might have attended the occasional stoning, we have no evidence that he had any kind of arm whatsoever. And everybody knows that God doesn't like American sports to begin with. Our favorite pastimes were just too late to catch his interest. God likes the old ones. Like Backgammon, Goatthrowing and an occasional round of Best of the Best.

2. I think I have reclaimed my childhood fear of dentists. Had my first Dominican dental visit yesterday. How bad was it? I left with water in my ears. Really. There is NO joke looming here. I left with water in my ears.

But the experience was not a total loss. Obviously a terrifying visit to the dentist made me think of this guy:

Which in turn made me think of the fact that Mr. Martin has in fact played not one but two creepy dentists in his storied career. Which in turn made me think of Hollywood's crazy association with dental hygiene. Here's what I found:

a. Any film including the character of Doc Holiday is not really a western but in fact about dentistry. That means that the likes of Val Kilmer, Dennis Quaide, Kirk Douglas, Bob Hope and Walter Hutson have all played oral hygienists.

b. W. C. Fields may have pioneered the role in the 1932 short film "The Dentist" in which Fields plays a "bumbling, sadistic tooth extractor."

c. "Eversmile" A film starring Daniel Day Louis about a mentally handicapped man's triumphant life of preaching the benefits of oral hygiene.

There are Oscar winners on this list people!

3. I think, honestly I might prefer a higher illiteracy rate than this:

I propose for the OBC what Ace proposes for the penny.

4. I think several of my friends owe me $8.50. That's what it cost me to see the pile that was "Chronicles Of Narnia. I must have no friends who really and truly care for me. If I did, they would have warned me: "Jesse, when you are in the States for Christmas and you have a list of movies to see that reaches into double digits and time is of the essence, AVOID NARNIA AT ALL COSTS!!! IT SUCKS!!!" In fact, if you blogged on this film and did not issue such a warning, I WANT CASH. If there was one redeemable scene in the whole film it was this one:

(Keep in mind there was also NO dialogue in this scene.)

5. I think I cannot wait for this. Viva Dominicana!

6-9. I think these make for a damn good New Year's party.

Unless of course you have too much bubbly and end up with one of these bad boys....

10. And finally, I think this still absolutely rocks and doesn't even think twice about it. Are you ready to get pumped? And remember, be honest.


Go Dahab Goathurlers!!

Monday, January 16, 2006

as given to me by Carolina

Mrs. Robertson
for I know the plants I have for you declaers the Lord plants to prosper you and not harm you plants to give hope and a future
Jeremiah 29:11
Love Carolina

Friday, January 13, 2006

Enough to give a girl nightmares

The following either haunt my dreams or at least have great potential.

plastic surgury

dogs wearing clothes

linda in T2 because she is angry, ferocious and ripped

and orcs, who are also angry and ferocious... and, if i'm not mistaken, of the dead which is obviously scary.

Thursday, January 12, 2006

"Hagar, What's Wrong?"

Hmmm....I wonder how we can pin this on America?

Wednesday, January 04, 2006

Sorry Folks!

In order to provide you the reader with the latest in 2006 bloggershpere technological advances, URG will be closed for approximately 2-3 days.

We apologize for the inconvenience.

The Management.