Tuesday, May 30, 2006

Second World Good Times

These are....

the things we do...

for fun.

(keep in mind... we have no TV, have never seen even /A/ episode of Lost or 24 or Scrubs or whatever it is you watch. We did however just see x-men 3... disappointing.)

Monday, May 29, 2006

Actor Paul Gleason Dies At Age 62 (myles remix)

hook em'

"Eternity Vernon. Your ass is mine for all eternity pal."

Tuesday, May 23, 2006

Cross Cultural Communication

sigh. i have a student. no, literally. i only have A, as in one, student. we've had some good times and we've had some bad times. it's been a bumpy year. a major contributor to the rustle is the fact her father writes the answers on her homework. now, i appreciate the fact that he writes very lightly and small so that my student can erase the evidence easily. only she's not very good at erasing... and her hard, bold writing doesn't completely cover over his 'help'. so today, yet again, we discussed that someone else doing your homework is called 'cheating' and it's a 'bad choice.' my student likes to refer to it as a 'mistake'. i'm trying to nip that idea in the butt. i've become quite a failure at it thus far.

we are struggling these waning academic days. she's coming off medication for the summer and i'm somewhat at a loss on what to do. this afternoon i asked her to write 5 Goals for the End of School. i wanted to find what five things she would like to work on for these next two weeks and feel accomplished in completing. you know... end the year on a good note. They are as follows:

1. not shit
2. write my name in crsive
3. learn mutiplication tabels
4. draw better
5. play dogball better

[edit: 1. i believe she meant cheat but i can't be sure 5. a reference to dodgeball]

Monday, May 22, 2006

Game Seven Pix

We've heard it all before and I can assure you that before the night is over we will hear it a thousand times from every sports depot from cable to am radio:

Home teams take game seven 82 percent of the time.

A big number. But oddly enough a number that may inspire hope for Dallas; 82 percent may swing favor towards the Spurs, but at least its a smaller number than 100:

Mavs choke in games like this against the Spurs 100 percent of the time.

So, I'll take my chances with 82. Jet storms back with vengeance, a fresh headband and 28 to compliment Dirk's double-double. To clarify, that's:
82x>100 when x=28+2(2).

Science has shown, Mavs take game seven.
theres a german coming out of that sax

And as for the Suns-Clippers wrap, that game starts at like 11pm where I live. I'll be in bed.

Suns, cuz a home team's gotta win one of these games.

And in a real shocker, due to unexpectedly high box office sales of the DaVinci Code, I'm calling for Jesus by sun-up.suprisingly short skirt to be raptured

Friday, May 19, 2006

Let's All Go To The Drive-In

secret society of women who look like men we prefer the firehose please

"Stan! You made it. Get over here. Whoa! 'What Would Jesus Read.' Nice! Hey, Kellerman totally came through with the effigies. You want a Hanks or Brown or a Howard?"

"Um, I'll take a Hanks. Sorry I'm late."


"Poor people. And some widows. I accidentally made eye contact."

"Geez man. That is SO rookie!"


Yet, the real conspiracy remains:
missed t.o. BEFORE punch

Friday, May 12, 2006


Dear friends,

Jesse has his first Father and Son baseball game this Saturday. I think this is a big deal. I'm not trying to make a mountain from a mole hill... but it's just not everyday a man has his first run around the bases and time at the plate on the same team as his son. It's a special time, sacred I'll venture to say. One thing I have learned from my husband is that baseball is the creme in the oreo that is holding this world together. (Hark, I think I hear the theme song from The Natural playing in the background) The problem is, Jesse is sans son for this Saturday's game. If he had told me earlier the middle school team he coaches was planning a Father/Son game then maybe I could have been better prepared. It's not like I can go out and just buy a son with only a few days notice. sheesh. So herein lies my request...would any of you be able to fill in, or know someone who can? The game is this Saturday at noon. Thanks for your help guys. I hope Jes doesn't have to be the only one out there without a son. I'll owe you one.


Tuesday, May 09, 2006

Blessed are the

peacemakers, for they shall drive really cool cars.

Lauren, Jen, and Cary at the DR/Haiti border

Apparently Arnold Schwarzenegger writes for Dominican Today

Iran says no to girly sportsmen
Tehran.– Iran's hardline Islamic regime has had enough of footballers with long hair and plucked eyebrows.
"I will ban athletes with an effeminate look," the head of the country's Physical Education Organization, Mohammad Ali-Abadi said, told the Etemad-Melli newspaper.
"It is really disgraceful for Iran that young people step onto fields wearing make-up," the top official fumed.
"When a man enters the field with dyed hair and groomed eyebrows he is disrespecting society."
The paper said Ali-Abadi appeared to be particularly worried about footballers, and warned that "even though they get away with it now, they will be disqualified in the future". As reported on Dominican TodayGoodness... I mean, forget just reading Lolita in Tehran... that country is out of control. Good thing the regime is cracking down. Good thing those fuming regime-ies are going to kick out those who affront society with their effeminine girly man junk. Whew. Though, I like a man with a nice set of eyebrows. I didn't even know nicely groomed eyebrows were disrespectful to society. I guess you really do learn something new everyday. Unibrow or die... or disqualify!

Monday, May 08, 2006

Thank You

365 plus one.

Thank you Chels. For the patience. For the friendship. For the sanity.

Thank you most of all for revelation. Never in my life have I seen a clearer picture of who God is and His intentions towards me than I have seen in you. You've unlocked all kind of deep magic baby.

Thank you Chels.

I love you.

Friday, May 05, 2006

Happy Mexican Friend Day

I have an amiga... she is Mexican, at least by half. I've known her a long time and she has been so kind as to share her heritage with me.

It was at her beseeching that I took my first shot and learned the burning-salt-sour sequence. Vive Mexico! It was through her that I came to truly appreciate May 5, 18-something... when Mexico kicked the French to the curb. I learned this was a feat quite worthy of celebration and thus, my dear mexicana, I, and other friends have been known to fill the trunk of a Cadillac with beer and ice and set up a margarita blending station on a washing machine... all in celebration of Mexican Independence! Vive Cadillac trunk space!

Last year my dear mexicana threw me a party on the 5th of May. She brushed honoring her culture aside and instead, put all her energy into celebrating me and the fact that I would soon be a married senorita. I even got a call from Mexico who was, naturally, quite pissed I was stealing the limelight.

On Cinco de Drinko last year, almost all the women I've come to love in this little life of mine gathered into one beautiful room. It was a great gift. It is something I treasure everyday. It is worthy of celebrating. Those moments in that evening have lingered longer than any tequila hangover ever could. Gloria santos!

Sigh... This year there is no Cadillac, my right hand is missing a margarita, I gave up tequila shots shortly after the first one and I miss my dear mexicana. She is close to the Motherland of Mexico and I am a gulf away (in fact there is not even a blender or washing machine close by.)

Instead of celebrating Mexico today, I am going to celebrate my dear mexicana. She is a deep soul, a good time, and a person of warmth and life... she finds joy and she looks for good... and she is so beautiful. I am blessed because this is the legacy women have poured into my life. Praise be.

Wednesday, May 03, 2006

Open Letter to Visa Inc. From Bono

94 office slowpitch champ Ned Dyoung
Dear Ned D'Young, Head of Collection, Visa Inc.

So, there you are Ned. You who have come to square off with, step up to the plate with, finish the drink at the bar and stumble outside with a short Irishman, whose mouth often outruns his ability to follow up, show up, buck up, put the dukes up and scrap. You see, perhaps Irish blokes weren't meant to end up in the south of France, with houses on hills overlooking oceans. It seems that if there was any legacy of fisticuffs running through these mick veins, the servants and limos, private jets and caviar have thinned it far too much for it to be formidable.
the make-up makes me look tougher But push a man far enough, even a squatty Irish one, and he may just break. The Common Sense of Tommy Pain, King and his dream, Mandela's and Tutu's Africa, all a result of men who were pushed. But the difference between men like these and the likes of the Irish lies in the subtle difference between a push back and the simple suggestion of something radical. In this, perhaps I am fortunate that the slow soak of fortune has softened my thick Dubliner' hide.

You see, I won't push back Ned. I've grown too soft for that. Besides, squaring off against the likes of the Lenons, the Mcartneys, the Jaggers, the Townsends is one thing. But a punk-rock star versus the likes of Visa? I'm afraid I've been writing chart busting pop tunes while you've been literally writing the book on APR and cash-back penalties. he got 2 of the 7 continents everybodyNo Ned, pushing is not the answer. A push back would leave me decimated like the young girl in Somalia beaten and drugged by democratically funded warlords. Pushing back would leave me dead on the street outside an H-bloc. Pushing back would leave me starving in Abuja while politicians in Nigeria get head from multinational corporations like Shell Oil.
later threw back a pint and armwrestledBut if not a push then what? Ahhh, welcome to the radical Ned. Radical ideas from radical people all tied to a radius of love. Radical is the kids at Tianamen standing in the face of tanks. Radical is Dr. King sitting as Jim Clark set the dogs on him, forever changing the face of the civil rights movement in America. Radical is a Christ forgiving the very mob that tossed him to his murder.

Radical Ned, tied to a radius of love. Radical, is what I propose today. No shouting. No fighting. No bullying. Simply, radical. A radical elimination of debt. A cancellation of an amount owed. A year of jubilee.

Namely the 3,467.50 owed on my Visa Premium card, along with the 7% interest rate increase scheduled to take effect at the end of the quarter.

And as always, history hinges on the response of the masses, or in this case, the Greater San Fernando and Co. Collection Agency. And you, Ned. You. In the face of radical, how is it you will respond.

Throwing this lifeless lifeline to the wind,

Tuesday, May 02, 2006

The Return!

today you get your own cheese

"No. Not today amigos. Today, the Speedy One seets. I seet for Mexico. I seet for mice. I seet so they will take notice."

"But what of that gato? Who weel protect us?"

"Do not fear the gato. Not today amigos. Today it is he who cuts the grass of the gringos."

(explosion of applause)

Como? Part 1

Hola amigos. I am starting URG's second [editorial correction] blog series... Como? There are many things I enjoy about this little country, such as the view at lunch yesterday...

There are many things I simply find ridiculous. There are many things that I really just cannot find, or find words for. I am quite aware there is probably a large degree of information lost in translation which results in my response of Como?. So I remain open to your wizened perspectives and opinions throughout. Please... if at any point in this series you figure out what the smack is going on... share.

US troops presence protested, 18 hurt in Barahona
BARAHONA, DR. - Eighteen people, among them two journalists, were wounded yesterday when local police dispersed a protest march that demanded U.S. troops be removed from their city.
The group of protesters was intercepted by local police, commanded at first by a colonel who after the incidents withdrew, leaving the contingent in charge of a major.
The march organized by the city’s anti-imperialist committee began, only to be stopped by police about 500 meters from the 5th Infantry Brigade base, where the American troops are staying and working in the completion of four health centers.
Carrying placards and repeating slogans, the demonstrators demanded the retirement of Americans, whom have been working on the Health Centers construction for the last three months. As the march made its way, many people came out on their house's porch and shouted: "Yankee get out of Quisqueya".
as reported on Dominican Today

Um, Huh? Wait... you don't want the Health Center built? Okay. Si. Si. You want the Imperialist Americans who are BUILDING HEALTH CENTERS to go home? Right. Right. Como que? Oh, you find health centers scary. Oh Okay, I get it.