Tom's of Maine

Thanks in large part to Ace and Seaner, the wife is moving the Robertson clan to a more chemical free lifestyle. Why just today this little beauty came in the mail. And after a mid-afternoon trial run in the heat of the Caribbean I can personally attest to this product's incredible all-natural abilities. It stops wetness and odor, removes stains, whitens your teeth, improves your diction, gets rid of your addiction, wins you the election, gives you an erection, improves your credit score, gets you to the grocery store, removes unsightly relatives, contains no preservatives, makes you your own boss, stops cranial and pubic hair loss, drops unwanted pounds, gives you the grounds, does your schoolwork, housework, dirtywork, calls in sick, turns the trick, goes to church while you sleep on Sundays, culturally sensitive to blacks, hispanics and gays, does your taxes, made of microwave safe plastics, stops the voices, makes your choices, not tested on monkeys or small asian children....


for and inspired by michael ross and his mixtapes.