"Ladies and gentlemen thank you for choosing ______ Airlines. We'd like to invite you to take your seats at this time as we prepare to taxi onto the runway."
10 minutes. Dominicans in sunglasses standing, talking, fighting about overhead space. Line to bathroom five deep.
"Ladies and gentlemen the captain has lit the fasten your seat belt light. If you can please make your way to your seats at this time..."
5 minutes. Dominicans in sunglasses standing, talking, fighting about overhead space. Line to bathroom ten deep.
"Ladies and gentlemen if you could please find your seats we'd like to get flight _____ to Santiago underway."
5 minutes. Dominicans in sunglasses standing, talking, fighting about overhead space. Line to bathroom twenty deep. Duty-free Johnny Walker out and being poured liberally. Perpetuates line to bathroom.
"Ladies and gentlemen could you please find your seats!"
5 minutes. Passenger A fights with passenger B over seat 13 C. Passenger B's tickets are actually for next week but he doesn't think this should matter. A 92 year old doña sits clutching an overstuffed Macy's bag.
"Ladies and gentlemen this is your captain speaking. In order for us to depart anywhere near our scheduled time, we're going to need you to get to your seats with your seat belts fastened. We really would appreciate your cooperation in this matter."
5 Minutes. Male passenger flirts with female passenger. Male passenger seems to be under the false impression that female passenger wants to sleep with him. Female passenger seems to be under the false impression that she doesn't.
"Ladies and gentlemen the plane cannot move until you are in your seats. And I also need to inform you that due to excessive weight in the cargo hold half of your checked luggage will be left in New York. Thanks for flying with us."
Wednesday, April 11, 2007
Every Flight to the Dominican You Will Ever Take
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2 comments:
did you want to yell something like, "GOD -DAMN-IT! What is wrong with you people? You, Jose Cuervo, sit your ass down! You, Juan Valdez, she doesn't love you, man. You smell like sprouts! Be quiet and sit down. You, Jerry Garcia, what the hell? Why are you carying so many boxes of Cheez-its? Really. Look at me, I am a massive man. I can destroy ALL of you on this plane in a matter of minutes; you don't have switch-blades b/c the FAA sanned you. SHUT UP. SIT DOWN or i'll use that emergency exit and those air masks for ungodly purposes!
then, you could just yell up toward the front, "Yo Captian! get this bird off the tarmak, and somebody pour me a drink, Daddy's getting thirsty!"
i would very much like to see something like that happen at some point.
pepe... i'm going to pocket that tirade for use on my flight back next week. very handy.
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