Tuesday, February 20, 2007

Man Up

Most of you know. We are having ourselves a baby. His name is Jackson. After the Johhny and June song.












They made cool tunes together. We made a cool baby together. It just made sense.

Well, Jackson is coming. And fast. Chels flew back to the states last week to have more regular visits with the midwife and read wacky books about how much childbirth doesn't hurt but is rather "exhilarating." This, of course, leaves me in the D.R. to celebrate Carnival with these guys:
(Not fun like my wife.)
That's right, at the tail end of our very first pregnancy, we thought it would be a great idea to put an ocean between us. I mean, what could go wrong?
So in the absence of my wife and not at all because I've run out of money, I've been doing my fair share of reading up on the whole birthing process. One book, the one with all the naked hippies, talks a great deal about the "role of the coach." I'll assume they mean me. "Listen", the book says, "you are not allowed to show any emotion towards your wife other than encouragement and loving support. No matter how terrified you are, no matter how deep the depths of your absolute confusion as to what is happening to this poor woman's body, and no matter what it smells like, you are not allowed to project anything other than absolute confidence in her and yourself. If you do not feel confident LIE! If you are tired, scared, clueless as to what in the hell is happening, don't show it! The consequences could be severe, including a misshapen or ugly baby or worse: you could be known all over the birth center as the guy who's laboring wife had to tell him 'you can do it honey!' Do not be this man!"
So, I decided to try it out when I called Chels the other night.
Chels: Hi honey! How are you.
Me: wimper, sniff..
Chels: Hello?
Me: wimper, weep, miss you, sob
Chels: Jess, it's OK. You'll be here before you know it!
Me: weeping, wimper, can't...make...it.
Chels: Sigh. I've gotta go.
A step in the right direction I think.

9 comments:

chelcg said...

you are the man of my dreams!

Anonymous said...

You are one sorry nancy boy!!! Tinkerbell, panzy...pull it together and help her birth that kid!

Ok...that was from Jeremy, this is Alyssa now.
I am wishing both of you the best of luck and praying that Chels has a smooth and happy delivery even though I can't imagine how that would be possible without drugs!!!

Let us know when little Jackson arrives...you are in our prayers!

A & J

Sean said...

I like you guys alot.

That said, I think you should reconsider this Jackson phase. Have you ever considered the name Sean William Miner Reed Robertson?

I hope I see you guys soon(ish).

Bonnie aka Truffles said...

You'll be fine Daddy-O! It's a miracle to see all that happening - as my uncle always says, "You don't get dyin' grace until you're dyin'!"

You'll have the grace to go through it when you get there!

P_J said...

Excited for you guys. Glad Chelsea arrived safely. Praying Dad and Jackson do, too.

Mr. Douglass said...

nice. i can tell you from three different experiences:

i don't know what the hell they are talking about "smells" --- everything smells just fine, it is what i was seeing that freaked the shit out of me.

how strange, these hippy folks with their "smells" maybe that is pot mixed with sweat mixed with blood smell they're referencing --- i haven't any idea.

you will be fine. I echo truffles' sentiment about " a dyin' grace on the day you're dyin'" I have used that line so many different times since i heard her use it a few years back. it is so appropriate. i am the most likely guy in the world to pass out or start screaming or both and ....it wasn't a big deal. just keep focussing on her face and don't hyper-ventilate like i did b/c i was blowing too much instead of taking in oxygen. I sat down for a minute then resumed the "you can do it, man, you're almost done, this is so great, you're doing fantastic" stuff they tell you to say.

then, there is a baby crying and it is over and people take pictures like you just got back from the moon.

enjoy it b/c there really isn't anything else like it in the world. not even close.

travis said...

Jackson? Why not Folsom?
I think that you and Chelsea should recreate that picture you posted of Johnny and June. I thought that Johnny looked a bit like you in that photo.
If you do this, open-hand will post it. I have been ruminating about hosting another 'Jesse Robertson week.' This time making a list of famous men with the name Jesse. Antonym-like.

Psalm112 said...

I'm ready to know that baby Jackson is here. No replies to my e-mails, etc., I want to know. Chels, I'm about to show up at your parents' house so that I can get some response!!

travis said...

Psalm112- Get used to it, not repying is a Robertson thing. If you don't get used to it and see it as a Robertson thing, your heart will become offended and full of bitterness.