10 Things I Think I Think (vol. 2)

Back in the D.R. after some Festivus fun in the states means an international "10 Things..." this week.


1. I think if you look closer at any given manger scene you'll find the sweet glow of televised football. NFL, BCS, Pee-Wee, Powder Puff... whatever. Living in the land of perpetual baseball I forgot how we Americans take the ol' pigskin intravenously during the holidays. So, while taking in all the bulbous action I made a few observations:

a. Enough already of this:


Ahh the giant "D" and picket fence routine. Here's a question, when's the last time anybody even saw a picket fence? Whoever invented this routine (in a wife-beater, in a trailer, in-toxicated) needs to own up and call for a stoppage. I will however suggest some possible replacements:



or



b. Congrats to the Longhorns. But you have two big problems. One, this man needs to be banned from Austin for life: PLEASE HOOK HIM UNTO DEATH!!!


And two, Vinnie Young decided to go pro and immediately got very confused and began trying to find the open receiver at a Houston Rockets game. That senior year might have been helpful.

c. If you are a pro-athlete please stop the "God props." The sky pointing is bad enough but "interview props" are especially annoying.

"Hell of a game out there today Kurt. Seemed like you couldn't miss"

"Hey, I owe all the thanks to Christ"

Alright, barring the fact that as a good Jewish lad Jesus might have attended the occasional stoning, we have no evidence that he had any kind of arm whatsoever. And everybody knows that God doesn't like American sports to begin with. Our favorite pastimes were just too late to catch his interest. God likes the old ones. Like Backgammon, Goatthrowing and an occasional round of Best of the Best.

2. I think I have reclaimed my childhood fear of dentists. Had my first Dominican dental visit yesterday. How bad was it? I left with water in my ears. Really. There is NO joke looming here. I left with water in my ears.

But the experience was not a total loss. Obviously a terrifying visit to the dentist made me think of this guy:

Which in turn made me think of the fact that Mr. Martin has in fact played not one but two creepy dentists in his storied career. Which in turn made me think of Hollywood's crazy association with dental hygiene. Here's what I found:

a. Any film including the character of Doc Holiday is not really a western but in fact about dentistry. That means that the likes of Val Kilmer, Dennis Quaide, Kirk Douglas, Bob Hope and Walter Hutson have all played oral hygienists.

b. W. C. Fields may have pioneered the role in the 1932 short film "The Dentist" in which Fields plays a "bumbling, sadistic tooth extractor."

c. "Eversmile" A film starring Daniel Day Louis about a mentally handicapped man's triumphant life of preaching the benefits of oral hygiene.

There are Oscar winners on this list people!

3. I think, honestly I might prefer a higher illiteracy rate than this:

I propose for the OBC what Ace proposes for the penny.

4. I think several of my friends owe me $8.50. That's what it cost me to see the pile that was "Chronicles Of Narnia. I must have no friends who really and truly care for me. If I did, they would have warned me: "Jesse, when you are in the States for Christmas and you have a list of movies to see that reaches into double digits and time is of the essence, AVOID NARNIA AT ALL COSTS!!! IT SUCKS!!!" In fact, if you blogged on this film and did not issue such a warning, I WANT CASH. If there was one redeemable scene in the whole film it was this one:

(Keep in mind there was also NO dialogue in this scene.)

5. I think I cannot wait for this. Viva Dominicana!

6-9. I think these make for a damn good New Year's party.

Unless of course you have too much bubbly and end up with one of these bad boys....

10. And finally, I think this still absolutely rocks and doesn't even think twice about it. Are you ready to get pumped? And remember, be honest.

Laters.

Go Dahab Goathurlers!!