Happy Friday

the husband of my friend becca's wedding coordinator has a company. share the love. www.despair.com

Honey, I'm Late.

Lot's of good things come from lateness. Like babies, free airline miles and
these:

Number One: My new shoes. Umm...hi my name is Jesse..(Hi Jesse!) and...uh.. I've worn orthopedic shoe inserts. In jr. high I sported the Jordans. In fact, I still have my pair of red and white 85's. At some point in highschool I switched to the Vans per the Grunge Guide To Anti-Style page 34. Since that time my shoe allegiances have been mostly determined by budgetary constraints. I bottomed out awhile ago. Things were real rough... and before I knew it, I found myself at the shoe store purchasing a pair of Nike "walking shoes" along with some Dr. Schoel's cushioned inserts. Bill, my sponsor, said it was a cry for help. But thanks to the support of a loving community and some sweet-ass Macbeth London II's, I'm proud to admit I'm back on the wagon (or is it off the wagon...). I just hit the one month mark and am proud to say that thanks to their support staff and commitment to the indie music scene, I haven't even been tempted to go back once. I just wish I'd known sooner...perhaps I wouldln't have lost the wife and kids.

Number Two: My favorite album of 2005.

Very, very late on this one. How late? I found my favorite record of 2005 in 2006. Take the Flaming Lips, replace the gimmicks with talent, and you have Mr. Stevens. (Not that I'm ripping the FL's. Im looking forward to this.)

Other notable "Honey I'm lates..":

Arcade Fire's Funeral...

Oh, and as it turns out 81 points is good but its not 10,000.

Here's to those of us that can score without the ball.

Are we still doing this? Is it still cool?

Yeah, I'm not sure if this is "so last week'" but damn it, some of us work with an 11 year old attached to us at all times! But Monday's.. ahh, Mondays, elementary chapel day!


4 JOBS I'VE SLAVED MY ARSE OVER (I'm not much of an arse slaver... some people call this 'lazy' but I prefer the term 'not stressed out by the need to over achieve':
1. hostess and waitress all over the Rockwall Metroplex
2. camp barnabas couselor
3. educator for the behaviorally disordered/educator for the kindergarten-ed
4. early childhood specialist for every teenage mom and foster kid in Dallas


4 MOVIES I'D SIT THROUGH REPEATEDLY:
1. Bill Murray Ghostbusters/Stripes/Lost in Translation (excluding Broken Flowers)
2. Airplane
3. Moulin Rouge
4. Kung Fu Hustle

4 TV SHOWS I LOVE:
1. The Simpsons
2. The Seinfeld
3. The Mythbusters
4. The Daily Show with The Stewart


4 PLACES I LIKE/WOULD LIKE TO VISIT ON VACATION
1. Northern North America - such as British Columbia
2. Mid North America - places like KC, Colorado, Boston
3. South North America - Mexico
4. South America - all of it.

4 WEBSITES YOU VISIT DAILY:(don't see much of interest on the web so i'll go with my top 4 affections from the early 90's that i refuse to let go of)
1. The Counting Crows
2/3. Reality Bites the Movie, Reality Bites the Soundtrack
4. My Doc Marten's

4 CHANGES I'D MAKE TO MY HOUSE
1. mosquito removal
2. an inverter
3. some drawers
4. self sweeping/mopping floors

4 BLOGGERS TAGGED TO DO THIS:
You know who you are.

10 Things I Think I Think (vol. 2)

Back in the D.R. after some Festivus fun in the states means an international "10 Things..." this week.


1. I think if you look closer at any given manger scene you'll find the sweet glow of televised football. NFL, BCS, Pee-Wee, Powder Puff... whatever. Living in the land of perpetual baseball I forgot how we Americans take the ol' pigskin intravenously during the holidays. So, while taking in all the bulbous action I made a few observations:

a. Enough already of this:


Ahh the giant "D" and picket fence routine. Here's a question, when's the last time anybody even saw a picket fence? Whoever invented this routine (in a wife-beater, in a trailer, in-toxicated) needs to own up and call for a stoppage. I will however suggest some possible replacements:



or



b. Congrats to the Longhorns. But you have two big problems. One, this man needs to be banned from Austin for life: PLEASE HOOK HIM UNTO DEATH!!!


And two, Vinnie Young decided to go pro and immediately got very confused and began trying to find the open receiver at a Houston Rockets game. That senior year might have been helpful.

c. If you are a pro-athlete please stop the "God props." The sky pointing is bad enough but "interview props" are especially annoying.

"Hell of a game out there today Kurt. Seemed like you couldn't miss"

"Hey, I owe all the thanks to Christ"

Alright, barring the fact that as a good Jewish lad Jesus might have attended the occasional stoning, we have no evidence that he had any kind of arm whatsoever. And everybody knows that God doesn't like American sports to begin with. Our favorite pastimes were just too late to catch his interest. God likes the old ones. Like Backgammon, Goatthrowing and an occasional round of Best of the Best.

2. I think I have reclaimed my childhood fear of dentists. Had my first Dominican dental visit yesterday. How bad was it? I left with water in my ears. Really. There is NO joke looming here. I left with water in my ears.

But the experience was not a total loss. Obviously a terrifying visit to the dentist made me think of this guy:

Which in turn made me think of the fact that Mr. Martin has in fact played not one but two creepy dentists in his storied career. Which in turn made me think of Hollywood's crazy association with dental hygiene. Here's what I found:

a. Any film including the character of Doc Holiday is not really a western but in fact about dentistry. That means that the likes of Val Kilmer, Dennis Quaide, Kirk Douglas, Bob Hope and Walter Hutson have all played oral hygienists.

b. W. C. Fields may have pioneered the role in the 1932 short film "The Dentist" in which Fields plays a "bumbling, sadistic tooth extractor."

c. "Eversmile" A film starring Daniel Day Louis about a mentally handicapped man's triumphant life of preaching the benefits of oral hygiene.

There are Oscar winners on this list people!

3. I think, honestly I might prefer a higher illiteracy rate than this:

I propose for the OBC what Ace proposes for the penny.

4. I think several of my friends owe me $8.50. That's what it cost me to see the pile that was "Chronicles Of Narnia. I must have no friends who really and truly care for me. If I did, they would have warned me: "Jesse, when you are in the States for Christmas and you have a list of movies to see that reaches into double digits and time is of the essence, AVOID NARNIA AT ALL COSTS!!! IT SUCKS!!!" In fact, if you blogged on this film and did not issue such a warning, I WANT CASH. If there was one redeemable scene in the whole film it was this one:

(Keep in mind there was also NO dialogue in this scene.)

5. I think I cannot wait for this. Viva Dominicana!

6-9. I think these make for a damn good New Year's party.

Unless of course you have too much bubbly and end up with one of these bad boys....

10. And finally, I think this still absolutely rocks and doesn't even think twice about it. Are you ready to get pumped? And remember, be honest.

Laters.

Go Dahab Goathurlers!!

as given to me by Carolina

Mrs. Robertson
for I know the plants I have for you declaers the Lord plants to prosper you and not harm you plants to give hope and a future
Jeremiah 29:11
Love Carolina

Enough to give a girl nightmares

The following either haunt my dreams or at least have great potential.

plastic surgury





dogs wearing clothes









linda in T2 because she is angry, ferocious and ripped










and orcs, who are also angry and ferocious... and, if i'm not mistaken, of the dead which is obviously scary.

"Hagar, What's Wrong?"

Hmmm....I wonder how we can pin this on America?

Sorry Folks!

In order to provide you the reader with the latest in 2006 bloggershpere technological advances, URG will be closed for approximately 2-3 days.

We apologize for the inconvenience.

Thanks,
The Management.

A Winner Is You

Nothing like end of the year award-time. Here at URG, we pride ourselves on giving you the finest and most thought provoking blogging the internet has to offer. Since that rarely happens, let's take some time to highlight the best comments this year's URG has produced.



This year's nominees for FUNNIEST COMMENT OF THE YEAR are:

Michael Shane, for:

"I like a fat man who can relax at the beach without concern of all that may be disgusted by his outward appearance."

from, "The Bee-ch, The Bietch and The Beach"


Sean, for:

"Cuba has six-toed cats and Hemmingway beer cozies. What's DR got for the tourist crowd?

from, "10 Things I Think I Think" .

Hamtser, for:

"wives are stellar and they don't slap or cuss or burn you with hot coffee in the crotch."

from, "Type Something Will Ya, We're Paying For This Stuff" .

m brock, for:

"it's not porn, sean, not real porn; reason is that it cost me less than 5 dollars, is mostly drawings, and it was my college human sexuality psychology book. You also were supposed to return it to me 3 weeks ago."

from, "Type Something Will Ya, We're Paying For This Stuff" .

me, for:

"here is my very, VERY limited take on tom york: he has a lazy eye and looks a hell of a lot like martin short."

from, "Rabbit In Your Headlights" .

Awards handed out at a ceremony earlier today include:

Nominee for BEST FOREIGN LANGUAGE COMMENT:

Totila, for:

"Cogito cogito ergo cogito sum."

and,

Nominee for BEST RESPONSE TO A FAILED ATTEMPT AT HUMOR:

Stevie, for:
"Is this some comment about the size of Carly Simon's mouth?"



Thanks for coming and like all award shows I apologize for the length, pretentiousness and ridiculous outfits. Now do one of these of your own and thus validate my creativity.

Yoik

Jesse, I won't cut fresh
flowers for you. Jesse, I won't make
the wine cold for you. Jesse, I won't change
the sheets for you. I won't put on cologne I won't sit by the phone
for you.
Carly Simon, "Jesse"

Meet The Stills

Still, Kevin














Still, Great

Nothing like an "album of the year" nod for the record after your three decades worth of greatest hits are released. Trust me, "How To Dismantle.." is a better album than you first thought.

You better not pout/I'm telling you why...

Ho, ho, ho... Merry Christmas. I love my husband. How could you not... the man is dressed as Santa and handing out presents to a large group of special needs lovlies. He is truly my hero.

This weekend was a flurry of "holiday spruce" activity. Friday after school, the National Honors Society here at ole Santiago Christian school hosted a Christmas party for the Special Needs population of the greater Santiago Metropolis. Saturday was the ever racuous SCS Staff Christmas Dinner and Sunday was a Vida Joven softball game (which was hot and sweaty and not very christmas like at all).

I would now like to draw your attention to the 'hey, look at us' heading to your right. It is here the you may visually keep up to date on us. There is an entire slu of picture at the "NHS Christmas Party" link that are sure to put you in the Christmas (err, 'holiday spruce') spirit... or at least make you pee your pants. You are not require to sign up for anything. Just click 'view' the pictures and your off scot free.

Kat, there is a pic or two for you at the 'SCS Christmas Dinner'
Moms, the couch cushions are in 'The Apartment'

National Basketball Association

Found out today I've adopted a NBA team as my own. I've never had one of these before. But sure enough, when the sports update that just rolled across my espn radio internet feed mentioned your Dallas Mavericks, I noticed my ears perk up. Are there any dues I need to know about or clothing I need to start looking for?

I Love What You Do For Me

Been a bit of a shaddy week. Here's a highlight.

The other day I handed out a Tony Campolo article in the attempts to ignite a discussion. Yeah, the one were he says BMW owners aren't invited to heaven.

Discussion ensued and of course (master teacher that I am) deteriorated, topped off by Emilio saying he'd rather have a Toyota Camry than a BMW.

When I asked why he responded:

"Scientific purposes."

Of course.

I am Happy.

I am happy... and let me tell you why.

Sometimes the Lord gently grabs you by the shoulders shakes the past few days off you, gives you a hug and a high five and invites you out for a good cup of coffee in order to tell you wonderful and glorious truths of Himself. This is always nice, but then there are other times when the President signs something offical that, beginning Dec. 13th, will allow you to travel from Dallas straight into St. Louis and/or Kansas City NON-STOP for a handful of dollar bills (70 of them). And still other times you find yourself watching The Lizzie McGuire Movie on a Friday afternoon because your student finally passed her math AND reading comprehension tests.

I highly recommend all of the above. They are miraculous and exhiliarating!

peanuts and teenboppers,
cgr.

December 1st, World Aids Day

Don't give up Africa.

"That's A Big Damn Twinkie" Reason One: The Food

You've heard the murmurs and the rumors and the poosers. And yet you remain undecided. Well I'm here to push you friend..challenge by choice if you will.

Last year it was pan fried shrimp with a bit of lemon and tobasco, fresh made black bean dip, cheescake and the crown jewel of the evening...Cuban Spiced Pork Tenderloin. Ask anyone who attended last years gathering (that would be Gabe and Bethany Douglas and my wife, but am I bitter?), the eats was good.

So that brings us to this year. I was thinking of starting with a bit of this. Then I thought we might move onto a little of this or if you are more inclined and I can master the technique how bout this. Not a fan of the raw? No worry, maybe You'll enjoy these. Frightened of the chill that will be in the air in St. Louis in December? How bout a nice cup of this or a bowel of this east coast favorite. And for the topper? Well I could always bring this back. Or maybe try something new. Dessert anyone?

All right. I have a whole day to prepare, some wonderful women to do it with (wife and mom) and one of these. How could you miss it?

Just make sure you bring plenty of this.

Thanks for... Triple Antibiotic Ointment

Okay so here we were for the weekend. Playa Esmeralda on the south coast. Jesse and I... leaders of the 'teens' at the Christian Reformed Church Retreat. We were fill in's as the original reformeds could not make it. I'm not as up to date on my TULIP as some others. However, we had a very good time talking with the 'teens' about church and community... all the while staying free at the all-inclusive beach resort for 4 days. And... there was turkey.

I have to admit that if you can't be home for the holidays... being on a beach is the next best thing, though it can be very dangerous. I returned home last night on the verge of a 102 degree temperature... my throat has lost the fortitude to withstand wet hair AND airconditioning. I also bear the bruisings of a nastily scraped up left knee and right elbow from a beach volleyball game in which I was attempting a 'volleyball babe' move. I also somehow managed to scrape the skin off the top of my right big toe by trying to kick a bug across the floor. um.

Pleasantly, the Lord also managed to scrape away some of the haughtiness and judgment I brought with me to the weekend. I had made unfair and unwise assumptions about the people and their theology long before I even got in the car. I was very much in the wrong. This weekend I received blessing for all my cursing. I received friendship and appreciation for all my judgement. I received trust and encouragement for all my religious pride. I am very thankful.

Others managed to survive the weekend unscathed. I was not so lucky.

Things Jack Johnson Videos Never Mentioned About Surfing

1. "Paddling Out." Strap the board to your ankle, hit the water stomach down on the board and paddle to a spot known as "outside the waves". I don't remember this part taking the guys from "One Endless Summer" and hour but that's what it took me. I also don't recall a single Brian Wilson tune about how after approximately thirty seconds of "paddling out" you feel like both your arms are on fire. After one hour, two burning appendages, three gallons of swallowed saltwater I made to the mythical spot "outside." Brian my surfing buddy, (who kindly said "follow me" when we hit the water and then proceeded to somehow motor about 100 yards out in about 15 seconds), congratulated me when after all my labor finally made it. "Your outside the waves man, good j..oh wait....."

CRASH! FOAM!CORAL! (and note..) NO SURFING!

One hour of progress erased in five seconds.



2."Rashguards." These are the tight-ass shirts surfers wear to keep from RUBBING THEIR NIPPLES OFF. My wife called me sexy and I immediately filed it under "things wives are required to say."

3. "Sex Wax." You put wax on your board for friction. This wax is sometimes called Sex Wax."Sex and friction? Stumped. (My wife's observation.)

4. Not Fun.

Ready for another go.