10 Things I Think I Think (vol. 2)

Back in the D.R. after some Festivus fun in the states means an international "10 Things..." this week.


1. I think if you look closer at any given manger scene you'll find the sweet glow of televised football. NFL, BCS, Pee-Wee, Powder Puff... whatever. Living in the land of perpetual baseball I forgot how we Americans take the ol' pigskin intravenously during the holidays. So, while taking in all the bulbous action I made a few observations:

a. Enough already of this:


Ahh the giant "D" and picket fence routine. Here's a question, when's the last time anybody even saw a picket fence? Whoever invented this routine (in a wife-beater, in a trailer, in-toxicated) needs to own up and call for a stoppage. I will however suggest some possible replacements:



or



b. Congrats to the Longhorns. But you have two big problems. One, this man needs to be banned from Austin for life: PLEASE HOOK HIM UNTO DEATH!!!


And two, Vinnie Young decided to go pro and immediately got very confused and began trying to find the open receiver at a Houston Rockets game. That senior year might have been helpful.

c. If you are a pro-athlete please stop the "God props." The sky pointing is bad enough but "interview props" are especially annoying.

"Hell of a game out there today Kurt. Seemed like you couldn't miss"

"Hey, I owe all the thanks to Christ"

Alright, barring the fact that as a good Jewish lad Jesus might have attended the occasional stoning, we have no evidence that he had any kind of arm whatsoever. And everybody knows that God doesn't like American sports to begin with. Our favorite pastimes were just too late to catch his interest. God likes the old ones. Like Backgammon, Goatthrowing and an occasional round of Best of the Best.

2. I think I have reclaimed my childhood fear of dentists. Had my first Dominican dental visit yesterday. How bad was it? I left with water in my ears. Really. There is NO joke looming here. I left with water in my ears.

But the experience was not a total loss. Obviously a terrifying visit to the dentist made me think of this guy:

Which in turn made me think of the fact that Mr. Martin has in fact played not one but two creepy dentists in his storied career. Which in turn made me think of Hollywood's crazy association with dental hygiene. Here's what I found:

a. Any film including the character of Doc Holiday is not really a western but in fact about dentistry. That means that the likes of Val Kilmer, Dennis Quaide, Kirk Douglas, Bob Hope and Walter Hutson have all played oral hygienists.

b. W. C. Fields may have pioneered the role in the 1932 short film "The Dentist" in which Fields plays a "bumbling, sadistic tooth extractor."

c. "Eversmile" A film starring Daniel Day Louis about a mentally handicapped man's triumphant life of preaching the benefits of oral hygiene.

There are Oscar winners on this list people!

3. I think, honestly I might prefer a higher illiteracy rate than this:

I propose for the OBC what Ace proposes for the penny.

4. I think several of my friends owe me $8.50. That's what it cost me to see the pile that was "Chronicles Of Narnia. I must have no friends who really and truly care for me. If I did, they would have warned me: "Jesse, when you are in the States for Christmas and you have a list of movies to see that reaches into double digits and time is of the essence, AVOID NARNIA AT ALL COSTS!!! IT SUCKS!!!" In fact, if you blogged on this film and did not issue such a warning, I WANT CASH. If there was one redeemable scene in the whole film it was this one:

(Keep in mind there was also NO dialogue in this scene.)

5. I think I cannot wait for this. Viva Dominicana!

6-9. I think these make for a damn good New Year's party.

Unless of course you have too much bubbly and end up with one of these bad boys....

10. And finally, I think this still absolutely rocks and doesn't even think twice about it. Are you ready to get pumped? And remember, be honest.

Laters.

Go Dahab Goathurlers!!

as given to me by Carolina

Mrs. Robertson
for I know the plants I have for you declaers the Lord plants to prosper you and not harm you plants to give hope and a future
Jeremiah 29:11
Love Carolina

Enough to give a girl nightmares

The following either haunt my dreams or at least have great potential.

plastic surgury





dogs wearing clothes









linda in T2 because she is angry, ferocious and ripped










and orcs, who are also angry and ferocious... and, if i'm not mistaken, of the dead which is obviously scary.

"Hagar, What's Wrong?"

Hmmm....I wonder how we can pin this on America?

Sorry Folks!

In order to provide you the reader with the latest in 2006 bloggershpere technological advances, URG will be closed for approximately 2-3 days.

We apologize for the inconvenience.

Thanks,
The Management.

A Winner Is You

Nothing like end of the year award-time. Here at URG, we pride ourselves on giving you the finest and most thought provoking blogging the internet has to offer. Since that rarely happens, let's take some time to highlight the best comments this year's URG has produced.



This year's nominees for FUNNIEST COMMENT OF THE YEAR are:

Michael Shane, for:

"I like a fat man who can relax at the beach without concern of all that may be disgusted by his outward appearance."

from, "The Bee-ch, The Bietch and The Beach"


Sean, for:

"Cuba has six-toed cats and Hemmingway beer cozies. What's DR got for the tourist crowd?

from, "10 Things I Think I Think" .

Hamtser, for:

"wives are stellar and they don't slap or cuss or burn you with hot coffee in the crotch."

from, "Type Something Will Ya, We're Paying For This Stuff" .

m brock, for:

"it's not porn, sean, not real porn; reason is that it cost me less than 5 dollars, is mostly drawings, and it was my college human sexuality psychology book. You also were supposed to return it to me 3 weeks ago."

from, "Type Something Will Ya, We're Paying For This Stuff" .

me, for:

"here is my very, VERY limited take on tom york: he has a lazy eye and looks a hell of a lot like martin short."

from, "Rabbit In Your Headlights" .

Awards handed out at a ceremony earlier today include:

Nominee for BEST FOREIGN LANGUAGE COMMENT:

Totila, for:

"Cogito cogito ergo cogito sum."

and,

Nominee for BEST RESPONSE TO A FAILED ATTEMPT AT HUMOR:

Stevie, for:
"Is this some comment about the size of Carly Simon's mouth?"



Thanks for coming and like all award shows I apologize for the length, pretentiousness and ridiculous outfits. Now do one of these of your own and thus validate my creativity.

Yoik

Jesse, I won't cut fresh
flowers for you. Jesse, I won't make
the wine cold for you. Jesse, I won't change
the sheets for you. I won't put on cologne I won't sit by the phone
for you.
Carly Simon, "Jesse"

Meet The Stills

Still, Kevin














Still, Great

Nothing like an "album of the year" nod for the record after your three decades worth of greatest hits are released. Trust me, "How To Dismantle.." is a better album than you first thought.

You better not pout/I'm telling you why...

Ho, ho, ho... Merry Christmas. I love my husband. How could you not... the man is dressed as Santa and handing out presents to a large group of special needs lovlies. He is truly my hero.

This weekend was a flurry of "holiday spruce" activity. Friday after school, the National Honors Society here at ole Santiago Christian school hosted a Christmas party for the Special Needs population of the greater Santiago Metropolis. Saturday was the ever racuous SCS Staff Christmas Dinner and Sunday was a Vida Joven softball game (which was hot and sweaty and not very christmas like at all).

I would now like to draw your attention to the 'hey, look at us' heading to your right. It is here the you may visually keep up to date on us. There is an entire slu of picture at the "NHS Christmas Party" link that are sure to put you in the Christmas (err, 'holiday spruce') spirit... or at least make you pee your pants. You are not require to sign up for anything. Just click 'view' the pictures and your off scot free.

Kat, there is a pic or two for you at the 'SCS Christmas Dinner'
Moms, the couch cushions are in 'The Apartment'

National Basketball Association

Found out today I've adopted a NBA team as my own. I've never had one of these before. But sure enough, when the sports update that just rolled across my espn radio internet feed mentioned your Dallas Mavericks, I noticed my ears perk up. Are there any dues I need to know about or clothing I need to start looking for?

I Love What You Do For Me

Been a bit of a shaddy week. Here's a highlight.

The other day I handed out a Tony Campolo article in the attempts to ignite a discussion. Yeah, the one were he says BMW owners aren't invited to heaven.

Discussion ensued and of course (master teacher that I am) deteriorated, topped off by Emilio saying he'd rather have a Toyota Camry than a BMW.

When I asked why he responded:

"Scientific purposes."

Of course.

I am Happy.

I am happy... and let me tell you why.

Sometimes the Lord gently grabs you by the shoulders shakes the past few days off you, gives you a hug and a high five and invites you out for a good cup of coffee in order to tell you wonderful and glorious truths of Himself. This is always nice, but then there are other times when the President signs something offical that, beginning Dec. 13th, will allow you to travel from Dallas straight into St. Louis and/or Kansas City NON-STOP for a handful of dollar bills (70 of them). And still other times you find yourself watching The Lizzie McGuire Movie on a Friday afternoon because your student finally passed her math AND reading comprehension tests.

I highly recommend all of the above. They are miraculous and exhiliarating!

peanuts and teenboppers,
cgr.

December 1st, World Aids Day

Don't give up Africa.

"That's A Big Damn Twinkie" Reason One: The Food

You've heard the murmurs and the rumors and the poosers. And yet you remain undecided. Well I'm here to push you friend..challenge by choice if you will.

Last year it was pan fried shrimp with a bit of lemon and tobasco, fresh made black bean dip, cheescake and the crown jewel of the evening...Cuban Spiced Pork Tenderloin. Ask anyone who attended last years gathering (that would be Gabe and Bethany Douglas and my wife, but am I bitter?), the eats was good.

So that brings us to this year. I was thinking of starting with a bit of this. Then I thought we might move onto a little of this or if you are more inclined and I can master the technique how bout this. Not a fan of the raw? No worry, maybe You'll enjoy these. Frightened of the chill that will be in the air in St. Louis in December? How bout a nice cup of this or a bowel of this east coast favorite. And for the topper? Well I could always bring this back. Or maybe try something new. Dessert anyone?

All right. I have a whole day to prepare, some wonderful women to do it with (wife and mom) and one of these. How could you miss it?

Just make sure you bring plenty of this.

Thanks for... Triple Antibiotic Ointment

Okay so here we were for the weekend. Playa Esmeralda on the south coast. Jesse and I... leaders of the 'teens' at the Christian Reformed Church Retreat. We were fill in's as the original reformeds could not make it. I'm not as up to date on my TULIP as some others. However, we had a very good time talking with the 'teens' about church and community... all the while staying free at the all-inclusive beach resort for 4 days. And... there was turkey.

I have to admit that if you can't be home for the holidays... being on a beach is the next best thing, though it can be very dangerous. I returned home last night on the verge of a 102 degree temperature... my throat has lost the fortitude to withstand wet hair AND airconditioning. I also bear the bruisings of a nastily scraped up left knee and right elbow from a beach volleyball game in which I was attempting a 'volleyball babe' move. I also somehow managed to scrape the skin off the top of my right big toe by trying to kick a bug across the floor. um.

Pleasantly, the Lord also managed to scrape away some of the haughtiness and judgment I brought with me to the weekend. I had made unfair and unwise assumptions about the people and their theology long before I even got in the car. I was very much in the wrong. This weekend I received blessing for all my cursing. I received friendship and appreciation for all my judgement. I received trust and encouragement for all my religious pride. I am very thankful.

Others managed to survive the weekend unscathed. I was not so lucky.

Things Jack Johnson Videos Never Mentioned About Surfing

1. "Paddling Out." Strap the board to your ankle, hit the water stomach down on the board and paddle to a spot known as "outside the waves". I don't remember this part taking the guys from "One Endless Summer" and hour but that's what it took me. I also don't recall a single Brian Wilson tune about how after approximately thirty seconds of "paddling out" you feel like both your arms are on fire. After one hour, two burning appendages, three gallons of swallowed saltwater I made to the mythical spot "outside." Brian my surfing buddy, (who kindly said "follow me" when we hit the water and then proceeded to somehow motor about 100 yards out in about 15 seconds), congratulated me when after all my labor finally made it. "Your outside the waves man, good j..oh wait....."

CRASH! FOAM!CORAL! (and note..) NO SURFING!

One hour of progress erased in five seconds.



2."Rashguards." These are the tight-ass shirts surfers wear to keep from RUBBING THEIR NIPPLES OFF. My wife called me sexy and I immediately filed it under "things wives are required to say."

3. "Sex Wax." You put wax on your board for friction. This wax is sometimes called Sex Wax."Sex and friction? Stumped. (My wife's observation.)

4. Not Fun.

Ready for another go.

My Ring of Fire

This weekend this will be me...

No, the guy way to the left watching from the beach.

See you Monday when the man comes around.

G.W.E.N

its Gwen's birthday... the very same Gwen that bore me and continues to refer to me as rabbit and peanut. in honor of this day (and considering Carolina and I are currently strolling through a poetry unit) Carolina wrote an acrostic.
Great
Walk
Earth
New
[we are still struggling with the concept of 'adjective' entonces Sean I believe you remain unrivaled]
regardless, i really like my mom. she makes me laugh, she gets it and she tells me when i'm being a brat. there you go... joy, wisdom and instruction all wrapped up in a Texan accented bundle.

my mom is persistent and undeterred in what she likes and who she loves... neither herself or another can fall too hard or fail too many times to be cast out of her graces. she is lovely that way. truly lovely.

I Love Bugs? pt. II

The other day during gym class, I met this guy..

He was standing outside the boys bathroom I was walking into. He was about the size of a pick-up truck and waiting, I suspect, for one of the smaller pre-k kids to walk buy so as to eat the poor unassuming child.

(No one who saw this beast took any interest in neither his jokes or his cheap juggling tricks but rather desired for me to promptly step on him. I mention this for Kevin's sake. )

This morning walking into my office I met this fellow..

I am very nervous for my lizard friends. I do not think this is a fight they can win.

Hell I don't know if I could take him.

Weekend... I prefer the weekend.

Hola lovelies. Monday morning. Most of the staff and students are at flag raising. I’m not. I’m skipping. I skip because there are only about three people who realize I’m not there each Monday morning, well two at least. I wallow in obscurity, which is a beautiful thing every now and then. I’m here at the computer in these precious pre-student morning moments because I have some things to tell you.

First, those of you who have been lovingly praying over us, thank you. I believe there was good fruit of it this weekend. Jesse and I normally have pretty relaxing weekends. This weekend was even better though. So far, in our time here I have mostly enjoyed being connected to my husband and simply enjoyed my surroundings. This weekend the Lord gave my heart more affection and connection towards this country and its people. If your interested I posted our weekend below because many have asked "what do you do with your time there?"

Second… there is a lot of crap going on here at school. Evil things. The school is doing very well this year. We have good teachers who are qualified and professional. We have strong leadership. There have been very few relational difficulties and only a few ruffled feathers (Mr. Boyd did not get to have a theater arts class this semester due to scheduling conflicts). All in all I’ve been very impressed and thankful. However, below is a list of people and situations that need some desperate prayer. I remain fully confident that there is a freedom and a breakthrough of the Spirit on the horizon for this campus... and perhaps a lovely move forward in the Spirit is under attack? any thoughts?

Terry Roberts, the director, has been in the hospital and away from school for two weeks. There is something significantly wrong in his upper back and shoulder. The Roberts have been given several different diagnoses from several different doctors.. but it seems to be something about his spinal cord pinching a nerve. It is very painful and this has been a very difficult time for him and his family. They are trying to find out exactly what is going on with him, trying to keep the doctors from over medicating him because of the pain and trying to prayerfully decide if surgery is needed or not. Surgery on your spinal cord in a third world country can be a bit intimidating. Something however must be done, as his pain is unbearably severe.

Mark DeJong, the high school principle, was diagnosed with having 60% blockage in one of his arteries. He is only 28. One doctor told him to immediately go to the states for surgery, one has recommended medication and one has recommended that he see a different doctor in the capital. His wife kate is very pregnant with their first child and she is planning on having the baby here in January. They are also trying to figure out what to do and need prayer and support.

Dinelsa, high school spanish teacher (and my Spanish teacher) was told last week that she needs to have her gallbladder removed. She was very sick all of last week. Her family needs 30,000 pesos for the surgery, which is about 1,000 US$. This is a very hefty sum for a dominican family.

Minerva, who is assistant to the director (who played mother to me and took me to the doctor and to all my lab work when I was sick) is a single mother of 2 and works three jobs. She has been very stressed and overworked lately. Her sister was shot Friday night during a robbery in the capital. She was taken in for surgery yesterday and is ‘stable.’

Also two dominican teachers, Bianka and Maria, had there cars stolen a few weeks ago. There husbands had the cars. Bianka and her husband had there car recovered, though damaged last week. praise be. These family have only one car and insurance coverage here is a nightmare!

There is simply a great need in the SCS community at the moment for prayer and encouragement. Please do not read that we are in anyway discouraged or overwhelmed. There are many wonderful things happening too. I simply ask for your prayers over the above circumstances (and any words you may hear from the Lord) and a covering over Jesse and I... both for our continued protection and for discernment in knowing how to minister to these needs.

We love you. Thank you for sharing these things with us.



Our weekend. Friday. School ends. Early bus home. discussion of the UNKLE video that Jesse loves and when I watch it I can't wait for it to end. Take a nap. sit in our window chairs and listen to the entire jimmy eat world album followed by smashing pumpkins. Dress quickly. Take a cab to Centro Leon for jazz night. Position ourselves at a table on the outside patio. Watch a DVD of Dave Matthews Band Listener Supported projected like a movie with surround sound on a patio with about 100 dominicans who are all laughing and discussing or drum beating loudly. not what we were expecting, though thoroughly enjoyable. we leave about midnight. taxi home. Saturday. midmorning coffee. get up get dressed leave. Taxi to the rotunda. ask around for the right guagua (bus). the dominican lady next to me gets a kick outta of me nudging on jesse to hold my hand. that really cracked her up. an hour later the bus let’s us off at the side of the road. walk about 5 minutes to the river. hire a guide named Morneo, rent a helmet and life jacket. spend three hours climbing up and jumping off waterfalls. i get really scared on the last one. i beg jesse not to dive head first on some. some of thsoe things are really high! eat our little sack lunches while watching groups of speedos germans in water shoes and life jackets. dominicans are laughing loudly. hike out of the canyon and back up to main road. sit at roadside stand and have a presidente. flag down a bus. fall asleep on ride home. get dropped off downtown. cram into a concho towards home. take nap. talk to esue. make bacon, jalapenos, cheese hamburgers and garlic-mashed potatoes. electricity goes out. eat yummy food by candlelight in the living room. go up and spent a couple of hours on the roof, nice moon. jesse smokes a cigar. come back down and play trivia pursuit on into the night. I win. sunday early afternoon coffee and reading. start laundry. I lay out and read on the roof and Jesse listens to U2. we like being tan. Jesse comments on his appreciation of Bono and often sings along. I read Thanksgiving recipes in Real Simple. Ben calls. Marcos has baseball tickets. Marcos picks us up at three thirty. We go to his house. We go pick up college kids at PUCMM. We go to the Aguilas game. We sit third row 3rd base line. We have a great time dodging foul balls and listening to all the dominican laugh adn teasing each other around us. the Agulias lose 8-3.We drop off college kids and Marcos comes over. Back up to the roof for a few beers and another stogie for the boys. Marcos stays and couple of hours. he goes. and we go to bed. monday morning comes early.

Rabbit In Your Headlights

Friday afternoon.
I need the weekend like nicotine.
I will leave you with this.

http://mp.aol.com/video.index.adp?mode=2&pmmsid=1406961
(I am very very sorry about the car insurance add that preempts the video and tries to spoil the mood. It is up to the viewer not to let it do so.)

See you later.

Familia en la Republica Dominicana.... oh my.

last week the family visited the dominican republic. seven days of fun, frivolity and some very dominican experiences. (three cheers for Fran who left American soil for the first time) anyone and everyone, this could be you... when you get your butt down here!


to see the maddness check out:
http://share.shutterfly.com/action/welcome?sid=8KZNXDlq3YTA

Type Something Will Ya, We're Paying For This Stuff

"Its Milla-time..."

My friend and yours, Shane Miller came stateside(looking dapper as ever) and got hitched.

Shane and Kim, Chels and I bless you with Spirit-filled partnership and companionship. We bless you with joy in the discovery of each other and the mystery that is two becoming one. We bless you with encouragement in the months ahead and ask the Lord point-blank that He provide a way for you to be together. We love you.

On a side note...Although "milla-time" is a fine quote from one of the finest films ever made, I must leave you with one more:

"I make it rule never to get involved with the possessed. Well, actually its more of a guideline than a rule."














The aforementioned couple...

I like this picture because it looks like Kim has just married a free-floating head. Davey Lee Roth once sang "I ain't got nobody" and I always thought it was "I ain't got no body".

Speaking of nuptials...

I just hit the six month mark and thought I'd write my wife a verse.

My wife Chels is super-duper

Last week I ate blackened grouper

The fish was good dessert was too

Six months ago she said "I do".

Nevermind the seafood part

Chelsea Gail now owns my heart

I called her up at E's suggestion

That grouper gave me indigestion.

This is one of the many reasons why my wife is wonderful and much much smarter than I am...Yesterday the wife and I did nothing to speak of other than pancakes and a bit of laundry. the majority of the day was given to laying around and keeping cool. Well into the evening Chels said to me:

"You are such a good husband."

I thought about that comment and what, if anything I had done that day to warrant it. So I asked her:

"Babe, all I've done today is lay around and be lazy. What in the world have I done today to be a good husband?" She looked me right in the eye and said:

"You've been my friend today. That makes you a great husband."

Thereinlies more wisdom than I've ever heard from Jimmy Dobson. Chels I love you and the last six months have been the greatest of my life.

And finally...

I'm going to take a tip from a buddy Myles and start a series on the ol' blog entitled:

"Why The Kelhoffer's Should Throw A Throwdown While The Robertsons Are In Town"

a persuasive essay in which I will walk readers from Kansas City to Texas through a step by step guide to the bash of the year that is to take place the week the New Year dawns.

That is all. See ya on the other side Ray.

I love bugs.

I was at the beach with my family on Halloween. I did not even know that it was Halloween. But had I known it was Halloween, and had I not been with my own family... I would have opted for this garden bunch.
The pea is Darin, the newest member of the Burdeaux clan... fresh home from a month in the hospital with fresh oygen to boot! Lord strengthen his lungs. Lord bless this family whom I love so much, and thank you for Joel and Heather who extend family to everyone they meet.
cr