unforced rhythms of grace

End of Summer

2008-10-15T01:21:00.004-05:00

Okay so summer ended some time ago... we're running alittle behind around here. however, just 3 weeks ago richardson, texas hit 90 for the last time (fingers crossed) this year... jackson and i had a pool party and then said a sad farewell to mentioned pool. the little pool in the back yard was a dear and gracious friend to us this summer... he will be greatly missed. not too greatly though because he's been replaced by a killer cozy coupe... awesome.

Welcome.

2008-09-15T22:31:00.009-05:00

The story goes...

Moses Andrew Robertson was born Sunday, September 7th. I went into labor at 35 weeks and Jesse and I headed to the birth center at 9:15... at 10:15 it was determined that I could not deliver there due to the fact I wasn't yet 36 weeks AND the little man was breech... and at 11:29 Moses was born across the street at Baylor hospital.

Goodbye serene, comfy, cushy, birth center with your plush four post bed, selected ipod soundtrack, low lighting, memories of the birth of our first son, and the intimate ease of just my husband, midwife and doula cheering and encouraging me along... HELLO operating room. Yep, operating room... complete with the thin strap of a hard table, stadium lighting, a staff of about 12, and my husband head to toe in scrubs and a plastic eye sheild (dressed as if I might at any moment spew something toxic at him). It was entirely overwhelming, everyone was rushing, the lights were really bright...

I was told I could not deliver in a regular delivery room because the baby was breech and there was the possibility of an emergency C-section (at which time I would have been immediately drugged unconscious). Alas... there was no unconsciousness... we had a 'natural' birth amid wildly unnatural circumstances. Moses came out backwards inch by tiny inch. Oh, I was there, I remember all 19 of those inches... but it went fast. Fifteen minutes I think. The most painful part was he was taken away from me shortly after the birth for over two hours. Moses spent 48 hours in the NICU under observation and we spent a total of 4 nights and 5 days in the hospital. I didn't like it, not one bit. But praise be we are both happy, healthy and feelin' good.

We think this little man is destined to be a warrior... as my magnificant husband stated "the first thing this baby decided to show the world was his ass and balls."
I think its a telling commentary.

We came home Friday evening and are enjoying our newly expanded family. Big brother Jackson is very gentle and interested in the little guy. He's also been sick with a fever spiking to 102 all weekend (complete with nasty snotty nose), broke out in a rash today, and has about 30 ants bites on his right leg.

We're surviving.

8-8-08 LAUNCH!!!! Houston, We Have Genocide!

2008-08-08T16:40:00.004-05:00

For those of you who still frequent this blog (both of you), I thought you might like to be privy to some extremely thrilling news. In conjunction with the (sic) joke that is the Beijing Games, the Hamster and I have launched the glorious:

http://thegoldeneight.wordpress.com

A discussion on all things Beijing while Beijing is the thing!

GO! READ! JOIN IN!

Badaboom Badabing Beijing!!!!!

A Short Genius

2008-07-14T09:05:00.000-05:00

(Though Short On Hope) Another Dead Genius

2008-06-23T23:59:00.001-05:00

Rock The Vote To Sleep

2008-06-18T10:35:00.014-05:00

This morning, over eggs with THIS, I read THIS. It got me REAL steamed and I (again) jumped with both feet into THIS. But then I read THIS, and started to once again believe that, as my friend Pepe is prone to say, when it really comes down to it, the Great American Political Pastime is really just the same guy in a different THIS.

So now I'm back to THIS.

Drinks on me.

And now, an off-topic before and after montage:

Lakers-Celtics: Danielson Takes Game One

2008-06-06T18:11:00.009-05:00

The NBA/ABC/ESPN machine has managed to get me pretty stoked about this year's finals. It all started here for me:

Actually, it probaly started here:

How historically white are the Celtics that the NBA's first hip-hop ad stars two white guys? How white are the Celtics currently? o% white. Only NBA active roster with no white or European players.

Now, I could care less, except that Paul Pierce's 'tweaked knee-carried to the locker room by teamates-only to return triumphantly and lead my team to victory'-performance last night was wildly reminiscant of, that's right, yet another certain white guy:

Who will be the hero of game two?

backlogged one

2008-06-05T14:31:00.001-05:00

okay... let's journey back to march, march 13th, when our first born turned his first year. i've been a mother for a whole year now and feel pretty good about it. friends have called me 'a very laid back first time mom.' i've put effort into it. when jackson wouldn't eat much his first two weeks i didn't panic. i travelled alone with him back to the dominican when he was 5 weeks. no problem. he's slept for months in the heat under a mosquito net, hit the swimming pool before he was 90 days old and didn't receive all the vaccinations under the sun. helping me in the backyard garden, he's consumed enough dirt to sprout vegetables all on his own. (i try to thwart this but he's quick you see). he's had lots of bug bits, bumps and scrapes. he shares drinks with dogs, enjoys pouring sand on himself, will seek out any puddle, pot, cup or toilet bowl of water to splash in and loves putting my hair in his mouth. this is my son... this is the life he likes.

i know he will grow up and not remember all these little secrets we share. all the sometimes gross little faux pas and rules we break around here. but i promise i'll keep our secrets.
ani deFranco and i have a kid the same ago. i unabashedly hope jackson marries miss petah lucia napolitano, daughter o'ani in about 25 years. i won't tell her he recently pooped in the pool.

anyway... he's to my warm, tender, charming, adventurous, dimpled little boy who is not interested in his toys and only wants to play with his dad's wallet or the water hose.

backlogged one-b

2008-06-05T14:30:00.001-05:00

otro vez

2008-05-30T22:49:00.003-05:00

i haven't blogged much recently. i have a great series of thoughts and updates and questions i'd like to pose to you... but i get tired quickly these days. when jackson is down for a nap and i look around me at my messy table, the dirty dishes in the sink, weeds in the garden i'd like to terrorize and i think the thoughts in my head i'd like to write... well, i take a nap. i sleep and wake up when i hear the lad babbling on to himself. my free moments of the day escaped on the other side of my eyelids. so i tell myself this... sitting here on this couch i am accomplishing so much, my body is literally exhausting itself in putting together a babe. i feel much better. but i do miss the little communicado world going on here. so today i start my backlogged blog series... we'll see.
for those of you requesting a tummy shot... here you go. for those of you who haven't learned the news... we're 5 months into baby TWO, due the first week of October. we figured hey, we had a baby last year and it was great fun so let's do it again this year! 19 months apart. lordy.

Hot!

2008-05-16T17:31:00.001-05:00

Getting Warmer (For MOL jr)

2008-05-15T15:05:00.004-05:00

Warm (More for MOL jr)

2008-05-14T11:33:00.004-05:00

Cool (For MOL jr)

2008-05-13T18:29:00.002-05:00

Once Again Mavs, You Will Be Missed....

2008-04-29T20:42:00.009-05:00

Your absolute inability to score points in the paint, refusal to make adjustments and lack of heart however, will not.

Edgar Poe and King Have Me All-In On The Beijing Boycott

2008-04-01T19:01:00.020-05:00

"The Poor People's Campaign has faded from historical memory. It remains the most overlooked part of King's legacy, Wilkins said. "It remains in the shadows because King rewrote the traditional civil rights script. As long as he fed Americans images of bigoted Southern sheriffs clubbing demonstrators, people could remain comfortable. But the Poor People's Campaign gave Americans a new cast of villains: themselves. Americans didn't want to look at the face of poverty, but King was going to force them."

Click here for more of the best article you've read in weeks.

Amazing, that the more the man marched towards the gospel, the more his closest friends began to desert him and even question his sanity.

Or maybe, that's exactly what happens when we lay hands on what this gospel really means.

I've been told before that I hate America. I sure hope this isn't true. Hate is an infectious disease. Who wants that in their system? Not me. But King hits on two things here that are vital to understanding why the American Mindset and the Kingdom will always be at odds with one another:

1. The "Make-Your-Own-Way" American Spirit looks a hell of a lot like what Christ called fundamentally, sin.

2. America sees absolutely NO NEED for forgiveness of any kind for the things, as a nation we've done. (See: Christopher Columbus, Native Americans, African Americans, Manifest Destiny, Women, the Spanish-American War, and most recently, the Beijing Games. (Buy one!)

Here's my point: The majority of Americans who profess to be believers hang their hat on their personal need for forgiveness. They hear it in sermons. They read it in books. They print it on T-shirts. They put it in songs. They train teenagers to go tell Mexicans about it. They see it as essential. And (hoorah!) they are correct!! They know, full well, that the bury-it-under- the-floorboards technique is deadly, that you cannot hide from the coming judgement:

"Villains!" I shrieked, "dissemble no more! I admit the deed! - tear up the planks! here, here! - It

is the beating of his hideous heart!"

And yet, (AND YET!!!), these same folks, the very same who seem to grasp the fundamental importance of forgiveness, the very same who seem to see the futility of slapping shinola on shit, will defend, defend, and defend this nation's innocense as if it were a newborn child:

"I smiled, - for what had I to fear? I bade them search - search well. In the enthusiasm of my confidence, I desired them here to rest from their fatigues, while I myself, in the wild audacity of my perfect triumph, placed my own seat upon the very spot beneath which reposed the corpse of the victim."

What they claim to understand for personal salvation they deny as a nation and thus they doom it. That's just insanity.

And not the good kind:

Read more here, here, and here.

Watch more here:

365

2008-03-13T17:45:00.020-05:00

March 13th, 2007

March 13th, 2008

Positively Unemployed

2008-02-26T11:39:00.002-06:00

His Granny Fran got him that.
What's really amazing is that he put it together himself.

For And Thanks To Pepe!

2008-02-19T17:15:00.004-06:00

Anarchy hasn't sounded this great since the Dead Kennedys (own that EP! Got it used at Vintage Vinyl in 10th grade. Ask Hamster). Missed these guys by about a week in Dallas opening for the Foo. Also, great comment thread at youtube all about how they're no longer anarchists because they wrote a catchy chorus. Classic!

Who's Coming With Me And I'm So Not Kidding!

2008-02-19T09:06:00.004-06:00

Seriously. Give This Guy A Job.

2008-02-13T17:35:00.001-06:00

Does the end of the strike tragically mean the end of the vlog? If so, Bobby saved his absolute best for last.

Same Guy!

2008-02-13T10:18:00.006-06:00

(Except for the bit about severing a human head..)

Support This Man!

2008-02-05T17:51:00.000-06:00

Tired of those American Gladiators in your usual Office timeslot? Help make my internet buddy famous and bring an end to the strike! URG readers (both of you!) UNITE!! Post this on your blogs with implicit instructions for your readers to do the same! Exclamation points!

Were Update

2008-01-30T12:31:00.000-06:00

Here's a bit of an email we got from our friends Sara and Julius. If you'd like to email Julius personally or help financially, both of which I cannot encourage enough, shoot me a comment and I'll get you the appropriate contact info.

Friends,

Thank you for expressing your sympathies and offering your support. The last 48 hours have been difficult and quite a whirlwind, as you can imagine. Julius has a plane ticket in hand and is taking off today (Wednesday) at 2:15pm, and he will be gone for one month. We ask for your prayers for his safety. His priorities are to facilitate the burial of his brother, assist with managing his estate, and most importantly, to take care of his other brothers and sisters and get them moved into a safer neighborhood...

The Organization of Kenyans in Kansas City is hosting a prayer gathering and fundraiser at our home this Thursday night beginning at 6:30pm. Anyone is welcome to drop by. Donations will be put towards the cost of caring for Julius's family while he is there, as well as towards his travel expenses.

Julius will be sending my updates as often as he can, and I will post them on the Soulfari Kenya blog: www.soulfarikenya.blogspot.com You are welcome to send him words of encouragement at his email address.

Sincerely,
Sarah Were

Sara also listed a great story the KC Star ran on Julius and his family this morning. It's here.

These Are Our Friends...

2008-01-29T08:50:00.000-06:00

Sara and Julius Were.

They run a great organization called Soulfari. It helps lots of people.

This was CNN's top story this morning. The murdered government official mentioned in the article was Julius' older brother.

Think of them today, aspire for peace and then do something. Anything. I'll update you on ways we can help the Were's directly as that information becomes available.

Sorry Folks!

2008-01-24T07:12:00.001-06:00

In order to provide you the reader with the latest in 2008 bloggershpere technological advances, URG will be closed for approximately 2-3 days.We apologize for the inconvenience.

Thanks,
The Management.

Don't Let Your Left Hand See What You've Done To Your Right; He'll Puke

2008-01-18T14:50:00.000-06:00

This will be by far the most disgusting blog you've seen today. Let that serve as your warning.

The message this post is driving at has been said millions of times in a million different ways:

"That which you abuse, you're liable to lose."

"Ignore your teeth and they'll go away."

"Keep playing with it and it'll fall off."

In essence, mistreat things and those things start to disappear.

Well, if the five fingers on my right hand had a social worker, they'd be putting calls in to discuss options of temporary placement, because I've been treating them worse than Ike treated Tina.

Devoted readers of this blog know the horrors the Dominican bestowed upon my right hand.
Too much of me pitching batting practice to my highshcool team and not enough protective netting led to my run in with these guys:

and eventually this:

Chels and I refer to it as the Dominican Finger. Next time we're together I'll show it to you and we'll laugh, together at the right angle my Dominican doctor called a "SUCCESS!"

Well as if that wasn't enough, last week I went and had a run in with a beer bottle. I think the bottle won:

Seriously everyone. If you know of a good home, I have five little ones just looking for a little security.

You Make The Call

2008-01-17T17:44:00.000-06:00

One of these is a brilliantly gifted (and geniusly coached!) physical specimen whose feats of athletic prowess know no bounds.

The other is a small baby.

You make the call.

Still Great

2008-01-07T21:00:00.001-06:00

Hillary Hungry For A Great Big Caucus; Ron Paul Relies on Experience In Virginias

2008-01-03T12:32:00.000-06:00

Chels and I sat next to this great undergrad student on our flight to St. Louis last week who was skipping his family's Christmas vacation to volunteer for Ron Paul in Iowa.

Chelsea: So, what got you so politically and socially active?

Volunteer: Punk rock.

Me: Ain't Ron Paul great!

Volunteer: Yeah. The thing is, he doesn't lie.

So there you have it. Vote for Ron Paul. The only truth telling, OB-GYN candidate for president you can count on!

Found.

2007-11-20T15:45:00.000-06:00

okay i've had this season, this blog, some ideas all rumbling in my mind for a few weeks now. i've wanted to get a big picture... to write down and encapsulate a perspective of truth regarding the holidays. i've been looking at jackson and thinking of how to communicate, of what to communicate to him... what do I want to teach him regarding the celebration of Jesus Christ and the Message that began with His birth?

Get in on this. it's beautiful.
http://www.adventconspiracy.org/
Worship More, Spend Less, Give More, Love All.

Advent Conspiracy to Reduce Spending at Christmas
In 2006 America spent 456.2 billion USD during Christmas. It would take 30 billion USD a year to provide clean drinking water and sanitation to half of the world population that goes without. Imagine a world where America gives 10% of Christmas to those truly in need.

your trash. my treasure

2007-11-19T09:44:00.000-06:00

well... jesse is (obviously) absent from the blogging world these days. the man's working, working for the weekend and once there i monopolize his time. so the URG has taken on more of a femme feel in the recent months... and today i'm taking it up another notch.

I simply need to share my joy, because though they try, Jes and Jackson can't quite get on my page... though Jes did give a very encouraging cat call when I came into the room this morning wearing MY NEW JEANS.

I'm not a girl who has 12 pairs of jeans... I have A favorite pair of jeans and then one pair to wear when those are dirty. I've had my favorite pair for 4 years... I even refused to give them up throughout my pregnancy. My love for them stretched them to the limit where they now reside... bent and big. I can take them on and off without having to unbutton a single button. sigh. it has been time to move on for sometime now. what is awful about moving on is I HATE SHOPPING FOR JEANS. Nothing can make your body look more misshapen than jeans that are tight in the rear, huge in the waist and always too short, or their evil twin that cuts you in half in the waist exposing your chichos while giving you a baggy elephant butt. Mom offered to buy me a new pair of jeans for my big 30th birthday... to move me into my new decade in style. We shopped to no avail for 4 hours, ridiculous. I've now been shopping around for a month. It's bewildered the men in my life.

Saturday I found these 575's at a re-sale shop in lovely St. Louis. They are PERFECT. Seriously people, rejoice with me.

What I want.

2007-11-11T19:30:00.000-06:00

I just read something I liked in a magazine.
According to Navajo tradition a baby is considered to be of two worlds at birth: that of the holy people and that of the people of earth. Here's what I think is very neat... everyone waits for the baby's first laugh; the sign of joy that communicates his desire to join his family and community here on earth. The Navajo believe the baby assumes the qualities of the person who is wittness to this lovely first laugh. So of course this person then throws of big party and everyone brings gifts and such. As the guest file past the baby with plates of food, the baby (with the help of his laughing buddy) gives salt to each guest. Now here is what I think is absolutly beautiful... the salt is meant to rejuvenante the good character in each recipient and serve as the first in a lifetime of generous acts by the child. At the meal's end, the host or a community elder blesses the baby, wishing him a life of generosity and gratitude.

THAT is what I want for Jackson. I want him to live a life of generous acts. I want him to learn to party and to fiercely love those around him... to draw out of them Christ's intention in their life. I want the Body to gather around him and anoint him in a life of generosity and gratitude and for Jackson to step into that anointing from a very early age... from the moment that he knows joy.

This is going to be my prayer everytime I see my little man laugh or smile... and praise be it happens often.

That's Really Funny

2007-11-08T11:26:00.001-06:00

The Fireman and The Fireball

2007-11-08T10:43:00.000-06:00

I love Halloween. I've always loved Halloween. I wasn't raised going to 'Fall Festivals' at church... I was raised on Halloween. My first costume was the plastic jumper kind with the plastic mask... I was Snoopy. Then my next debut was as a wicked witch. I think mom and I miscommunicated when I said 'I want to be a witch for Halloween' because when she went to apply a big putty wart to my nose I started crying... I explained to her that although I was wearing a black sheeth-like robe and tall pointed hat, I wanted to be a pretty witch. Along the way there was the punk rocker decade, a poodle skirt thrown in there somewhere and I think wonder woman, but I'm not sure. Anyway. Jackson was a Fireman this year and Conner a Fireball. I tried to coax Jesse into letting me buy one of those cute outfits where only the babies face shows... like a lobster or dragon or lion. Jesse said no... he feels it's mean. He feels bad that the little babies can't defend themselves.

Surprise, Surprise

2007-10-23T20:39:00.000-05:00

okay surprise.

the Friday before my 30th birthday i was surprised with plane tickets home to Texas.
on Saturday my sweet husband took me to the great Texas State Fair and then I was surprised with a fabulous party on my parents patio, complete with surprise guests from out of town on Monday, my birthday, i was surprised to find my man took the day off, took the baby so i could sleep in and cooked me breakfast... we spent the beautiful fall day at the zoo with the baby and had a beautiful baby-less evening out.

this morning on the first day of the 30th year of my life I was surprised to be puked on 5 times starting at 4am. Jackson has a stomach bug... I've had to change clothes 6 times today. It's coming out both ends.

First Fly Fishing Adventure

2007-10-19T14:55:00.001-05:00

Say What?

2007-10-17T22:26:00.000-05:00

a little something about me: I am a lady of luck... not in the blow on your dice or rub my buddha belly kind of way, but more along the lines of love. i was in love with Jesse way before he was in love with me. before we were ever even friends i had this really weird crush. it might have been cool if I had just walked up to him one day and said "hey, i don't know you well, but for some crazy reason everything in me simply feels like it agrees with you and I just want to stand next to you all the time." i just didn't have those kind of guts. plus i was absolutely sure he'd think i was PSYCHO. i specifically remember asking, nay begging the Lord one morning in Kansas City "please God, please, please, please, please God have Jesse look my way and make him like me." i was utterly convinced that if i could be near him i would be happy all my days. the thing is... i had no REASON to think these things i was completely unexplainable. i always walked away feeling silly, a little bewildered, and absolutely determined to move on towards someone more inviting... but our paths would cross some months later and i would loose my breath if we made eye contact. this went on for a few years. YEARS i tell you.

today jesse is off to work with adults who sometimes make people feel uncomfortable because they cannot hid their weaknesses. he helps them participate in the world, to be seen as active members of society... to have fun. then tonight he will go make tasty beverages for a few people who show up to hear the music of a localish band. and then he'll come home and kiss me. perfect. i was told long ago that i was created to fit into the space next to this man... but I had no idea the truth of it.

here's what I want to get at. I can trust that the Lord wants to show me new things, tell me secrets, expand His presence in my life, share His desires with me... and the reality of this Truth crawls in bed with me every night, kisses me good morning and farts ALOT.

those years and years ago I didn't know I could trust anything from the Lord outside of a Bible verse. it is so true. I was thinking about our story today and how timid i was to believe what the Lord wanted to communicate to me about Jes. Back then I knew the Lord desired communication, intimacy, and to reveal more of Himself to me, but I believed it could not be completely trusted unless it came in the form of a bible verse, or a thought that came about while reading a bible verse, or while sitting in a Bible church listening to a qualified someone speak about a Bible verse. The Bible was an idol to me. It happens... it happens all the time. I lived in that idolatry for years. I also DIDN'T truly believe Jesus transcended the theology or biblical exegesis of man. And could I be trusted to hear really Him? I was to read the Bible and receive teaching... that was my gig in this spiritual journey.

it has taken me a long time to not replace following Jesus with following the Bible. I am learning everyday to believe... to just believe. I want to believe outlandishly. Maybe I even want to believe recklessly. I want to believe what I hear and I want to believe what you hear, all of it. The visions and dreams that seem out there, crazy or impossible. I want to hear about them without fear because I want to trust if we are off the mark, He is always merciful to judge us and set us straight again. Pride be damned. This is what I ask the Lord for.

those years ago, I wish I had acted on what I knew about Jesse. That I would have been unfaltering in my assurance of the Lord's voice... instead of living in insecurity and confusion. which, of course, only caused pain to myself and others. I loved very selfishly before Jesse. Jesse has been the one to teach me how to love well. This was the Lord's idea.

we are told to remember the Lord, remember what He has done in our lives... ponder where we have been and the experiences that have moved us farther into Him. These days, when I hear something... when there is a word that stirs up in my spirit I remember to trust He speaks to us still, that I, as a daughter, can hear Him and act confidently upon His prompting in the craziest of circumstances. I don't have to understand how or when, only that He is to be trusted above ALL THINGS... I am literally married to this revelation.

Today is Columbus Day.

2007-10-08T22:04:00.000-05:00

I object to Columbus Day. If I were to meet Christopher Columbus in some kind of weird rip in the space time continuim... I'd give him a swift kick to the nads. I would.

Jackson, meet nature.

2007-10-05T10:14:00.000-05:00

I do apologize for my empty promises. I haven't been around the blog lately. I'm sorry, Kate, I haven't updated due to the fact I've been busy introducing Jackson to nature. We haven't an African safari close by, nor beach, nor lovely dominican mountain road... but we DO have Pick-Your-Own-Apple-Orchards. Which are very nice and yummy.

I miss all my beautiful friends that are scattered about the world right now. Some people have everyone they love in a 40 mile radius, i'm one of the other people whose heart is always stretched across almost every ocean. Africa. Chile. China. Dominican Republic. Puerto Rico. the American Northeast, Midwest, South... I should say that as much as I ache to gather you all up and enjoy your company on the patio this evening... I love that you are there, wherever it is you happen to find yourself today, the things you see, the people you're with. I'm a better person, I have a wider soul, because we're friends.

So if you want to come over I can offer you some apple pie, or baby apple sauce... whatever your preference.

The Quick and the Dead

2007-10-04T09:14:00.000-05:00

Dead:

Quick:

Let' go Cowboys.

Cousin Conner

2007-08-05T21:15:00.000-05:00

it's hard to put the miraculous into words... okay, so not hard for some people, yet hard for me. last Sunday i watched Conner Ashleigh Aumend, my brand sparkling new nephew, enter the world. he's perfect. seeing this little man draw his very first breath, hearing him, watching him calm in his mothers arms for the very first time... knowing i'll be bound to witness it a hundred times more... well, all i can say is that babies are hopeful creatures. one of their many miracles is that in an instant they simply extinguished all the cynicism, criticism and skepticism that can build up in a soul. i love conner ashleigh, and his mum and dad. three cheers for sara and adam!

Changes

2007-08-03T14:18:00.000-05:00

things are changing around here. we now live in america. we're settling in. i must confess i felt a lot cooler when i lived in the dominican republic. but hey, things are changing. we're changing the blog with the hopes we'll frequent it more often. i've changed into an aunt which was a new one for me. we're changing into people who owe other people money because we've changed into people who need to buy a car, which required us to change into people who have car insurance. i changed into that person who backs her mother in laws car into a parked car (therefore my transition into a car insurance holder was EXPENSIVE). jesse's changing into a bartender and the baby's changed into a drool factory who now roles over onto his stomach yet finds himself pissed to be prone. so... well, things are good here. moving right along. we'll keep you updated.

Ch-ch-ch-ch-Changes (Turn and face the strain)
Ch-ch-Changes Oh, look out you rock 'n rollers
Ch-ch-ch-ch-Changes (Turn and face the strain)
Ch-ch-Changes Pretty soon you're gonna get a little older
Time may change me But I can't trace time

Public Speaking

2007-06-20T11:04:00.001-05:00

A CoupleThings, Up Up Down Down Select Start

2007-06-06T11:49:00.000-05:00

First, the local paper here in Santiago ran this front page a day ago:

EL DIOS JAMES!!!

Now, being that learning a language well enough to survive day to day is quite different from learning the nuances and cultural undertones of that language, I had to ask around to see if this claim was as it seemed. Perhaps 'Dios' has some kind of Dominican sub-meaning. Surely right? I asked three peace corp volunteers and the Dominican that came to fix my electricity. They all said the same thing. And thus the headline was what I first thought:

THE GOD JAMES!!

Apparently the Spurs have no chance.

Secondly, I decided last night, that after two years of living completely without TV and largely without anything other than books to occupy my free time I want one of these guys when I return to the States:

I don't consider it a reward really. I mean after all, why should you be rewarded for something as naturally rewarding as reading?

But the thing is, I don't want to pay a dime for it. Seriously. I'm looking for a free PS3. My parameters are as follows:

I cannot pay more than fifty dollars for it. I know I said 'not a dime', but let's not be silly. As my wife says "at that price we'd lose money not to buy it!"
It cannot be a gift. I know you were all jumping at the chance.
It cannot be a won in a contest. I hate contests.
When said PS3 is attained a massive Guitar Hero party will thrown in my honor by me.

Okay folks. I need ideas.

Fear and Loathing in Pre-K 3

2007-05-22T08:42:00.001-05:00

If I have to open just one more can I'm going to vomit.

What Dirk Will Never Do.

2007-05-15T11:09:00.000-05:00

I don't believe I've said a word about the NBA playoffs or the Mavs at all this year. But this FANTASTIC Suns/Spurs series and especially last nights game necessitates that something be said.

You can run the Nash/Dirk argument into the ground all you want. Talk about defensive liabilities. Talk about them having to separate to come into their own. Talk about MVP's. Whatever. But the bottom line is this:

You will NEVER, EVER see Dirk play with a sliver of the heart that Steve Nash runs the court with at all times.

You will NEVER, EVER see Dirk respond to a hard foul by manning up and getting in a guys face.

Last night when Bobby Horry hip-checked Nash into the scorers table and the wheels came off, it reminded me of that moment in Rocky, when he pops Apollo for the first time in round one and the music kind of starts...

Yeah, so to use a gross cliche, Steve Nash is Rocky.

Dirk, however, is Jackie Styles.

Jackie Stiles played her collegiate ball in the same town I was in during college. She apparently broke the all-time NCAA woman's basketball career scoring record. She was real good. But she was also, a girl.

Thus, Dirk is Jackie Stiles. Real good. But a girl on the court. Except for the jump shot. Dirk has a real one and I've still yet to ever see a female basketball player take an actual jumpshot.

Enjoy your trophy kiddo. Maybe you can play dress up with it while your buddy wins himself a title.

He's Just The Coolest Guy I Know.

2007-05-11T18:18:00.001-05:00

Dale Jr. Announces Departure From DEI; Unvails His New Paintball Gun

2007-05-10T10:16:00.000-05:00

NASCAR superstar Dale Earnhardt Jr. announced today that he is leaving Dale Earnhardt Industries, the racing team founded by his later father. Dale Jr., who made the announcement wearing a DEI hat, DEI shirt, and DEI sunglasses said "Although we have the same goal in mind, we just don't share the same vision in terms of how to achieve that goal. " Earnhardt continued, "It's like jerky. Everybody likes jerky. But some people want deer jerky and others turkey jerky. " Jr. then grinned and said 'turkey jerky' three more times.

Earnhardt remained upbeat however, his mood lifted by a recent purchase of a Smart Parts SP 8 Automatic Paintball Assault Rifle. "It's cool though man. There's nothing like a sweet-ass paintball gun to lift your spirits."

Reactions from Circle K's and Flying J service stations across the nation were varied.

Dos Años

2007-05-07T11:07:00.000-05:00

Two years, two countries and one baby ago I made a fantastic call and got married to this girl. That's her up there in left field.

Apparently last year we celebrated our Paper Anniversary; so called because of the "blank page waiting to be filled by our lives together." Chels and I decided to refer to it as our "Recycled Paper Anniversary" in an attempt to move towards a more green lifestyle. We got some funny looks referring to our marriage as 'recycled' though and eventually landed on the "100% Post Consumer Product Anniversary".

This year however its the Cotton Anniversary; so called because marriage is itchy and shrinks in hot water. And although that hasn't really been our experience, Aaron Neville says that cotton is the fabric of our lives and he's the romantic sort so I'm gonna run with it.

Also, according to about.com, the appropiate gift for the Cotton Anniversary is China which makes no sense to me because human rights issues are not romantic.

Anyways. Here's to us babe. We're the best! I love you.

Friday

2007-05-04T08:46:00.000-05:00

I miss the blog o'Hamster.
I don't understand why there are email addresses where blogs used to be...
(stephanie, pepe.... yo no comprendo what to do-o).
The Mavs have wasted my time,
AND I missed a new episode of The Office last night.
but,

yesterday my husband told me that I'm his beer. So Thank God It's Friday I guess.

Just Sittin

2007-04-30T15:16:00.000-05:00

Well... it seems I find myself sitting squarely on my butt for about 45 minutes 8 to 10 times a day, on average. That's um, in the ballpark of 405 minutes a day.

As someone hilarious once exclaimed,"boobies feed da world!"

As a new mom (this is Chelsea in case you haven't yet caught on) I was deeply moved by this experience. During those 400 minutes I'd cuddle my baby, touch him, observe every inch of him, listen to him, pray over him, praise God for him and weep. After some days and weeks I moved onto to using those 400 minutes to accomplish something.... anything. Trying of course to keep these experiences spiritual and deep. I mean this is a perfect 400 minutes a day to put towards oh, say, memorizing the Sermon on the Mount in its entirity? Awe yes, good idea.

Matthew Chapter...

Hum. must of dozed off. You see, most of the time I spend 400plus minutes a day and night staring off into space or wishing I was asleep. Sometimes a notion or two will pop in my head. Which bring us to a questions.

Today I sat and sat and sat... and during some of this sitting I began to wonder... can I verbally explain the difference between irony, satire and parody AND give examples. The answer is... NO I cannot. I know it when I see it... I can look at it and say... oh, hello irony, but I mean FOR CRYING OUT LOUD... it's like identical twins you can tell apart when there's just one, but put them next to each other and your mind gets bumbled-jumbled.

Yes, I could quickly jump on dictionarydotcom and find my answers. But I like you people better... you're funny and I receive instruction better with a little humor. So what's the difference between irony, satire and parody? Teach me people...

[aside... I must confess quickly and quietly that recently I have begun to spend ample amounts of my 400 minutes watching the recently gifted (thanks Kris) Season one of Heros, but that breeds questions of an entirely different nature... such as, Do I in fact have superpowers?]

It's Official...

2007-04-17T18:12:00.000-05:00

I'm miserable without him.

An Unprovoked and Uncalled For American Tragedy

2007-04-17T13:57:00.001-05:00

Race-Baiters and America; A Conversation

2007-04-12T21:46:00.000-05:00

Oprah,Sharpton,Jackson: (taps American on the shoulder) Excuse me America...aren't you offended?

America: Um..what..?

Oprah,Sharpton,Jackson: We said, aren't you horribly offended by these awful racist and demeaning remarks!?

America: Um...not really. Why? Should we be?

Oprah, Sharpton, Jackson: Yes!! This is a travesty! A calamity! Profanity! Insanity! And like Maya Angelou said, "I wear scarves."

America: ???

Oprah, Sharpton, Jackson: Trust us folks. You should be offended.

America: Well....okay sure.

Oprah, Sharpton, Jackson: Good now...

America: But wait a minute. Oprah...didn't you just open a school in Africa that caters to only wealthy and prominant girls while the rest of the continent is dying and call it your "lifelong dream" and not allow the girls' families to attend commencement services but flew your friends Chris Tuker and Brad Pit in to see it all? And Al, didn't you call the Duke lacross players racists and rapists and say that the American justice system should be ashamed of itself if nothing less than life sentences are handed out to whom now appear to be completely innocent men who fell victim to a mentally ill African American woman? And Rev. Jackson didn't you once say "If the Jews want a fight, tell them to tie back their yarmulkes and come get some!"? This all seems just a bit strange to us, the easily swayed American public.

Oprah, Sharpton, Jackson: ....um....but we have JOHN TRAVOLTA!!!!!!!

America: Really!?? Sweet!!! Nevermind!

Another Dead Genius

2007-04-12T11:20:00.000-05:00

"He always said the Pall Malls would get him in the end."

Read Cat's Cradle for the first time as a senior in high school and everything about literature changed for me.

Imus Be Dreaming!

2007-04-12T10:41:00.000-05:00

I was going to keep my opinions on this matter close to my chest but I received an email yesterday asking what I thought.

Look, as far as I'm concerned the greatest voice on race and equality and how we're supposed to make this thing work in general was murdered several years ago on a balcony in Memphis. And although the LAST thing I would ever want to do would be to presume to know what he would think or say in any given situation, I will say that if there were a way, if Dr. King could voice something today and speak into this deal, I hope it would be to tell both of these gentlemen..

to SHUT THE HELL UP!

He usually said things with a bit more eloquence though.

When you walk the race tightrope as part of your shtick you must know that one day you might fall off on the wrong side and take lumps for it. And when you sow seeds of discord in order to line your pockets you must know that one day you might have hell to pay for it.

Every Flight to the Dominican You Will Ever Take

2007-04-11T10:43:00.000-05:00

"Ladies and gentlemen thank you for choosing ______ Airlines. We'd like to invite you to take your seats at this time as we prepare to taxi onto the runway."

10 minutes. Dominicans in sunglasses standing, talking, fighting about overhead space. Line to bathroom five deep.

"Ladies and gentlemen the captain has lit the fasten your seat belt light. If you can please make your way to your seats at this time..."

5 minutes. Dominicans in sunglasses standing, talking, fighting about overhead space. Line to bathroom ten deep.

"Ladies and gentlemen if you could please find your seats we'd like to get flight _____ to Santiago underway."

5 minutes. Dominicans in sunglasses standing, talking, fighting about overhead space. Line to bathroom twenty deep. Duty-free Johnny Walker out and being poured liberally. Perpetuates line to bathroom.

"Ladies and gentlemen could you please find your seats!"

5 minutes. Passenger A fights with passenger B over seat 13 C. Passenger B's tickets are actually for next week but he doesn't think this should matter. A 92 year old doña sits clutching an overstuffed Macy's bag.

"Ladies and gentlemen this is your captain speaking. In order for us to depart anywhere near our scheduled time, we're going to need you to get to your seats with your seat belts fastened. We really would appreciate your cooperation in this matter."

5 Minutes. Male passenger flirts with female passenger. Male passenger seems to be under the false impression that female passenger wants to sleep with him. Female passenger seems to be under the false impression that she doesn't.

"Ladies and gentlemen the plane cannot move until you are in your seats. And I also need to inform you that due to excessive weight in the cargo hold half of your checked luggage will be left in New York. Thanks for flying with us."

Most of You Will Roll Your Eyes But...

2007-04-11T10:26:00.000-05:00

...when Alex Rodriguez homers off Dice K Matsuzaka will they still call it an "A-Bomb from A-Rod!!!!" or is that inappropiate?

This Is My Sister...

2007-04-09T21:19:00.000-05:00

She once threw a shoe at me. But I pulled a kitchen knife on her so we called it even. Funny to think of the two of us now bringing children into this world with a track record like that. But sure enough, Sara and Adam are right on our heels and by July Jackson is to have a cousin to ramp with. Geez. We have hell to pay Sara.

Well today is my sister's birthday and in honor of the event I thought I'd fire up the old poem turbines. The blanks can be filled in as soon as you two fall upon a name.

Lock all your cabinets, hide all your guns

Jackson and ______ are out on the run.

Aunt Peg took a pellet shot square in the caboose

Jackson and ______ are out on the loose.

Is that fire I smell?Are those sirens I hear?

Jackson and ______ run with no fear.

Is that glass I heard break?The dogs just been shaved?!

Jackson and ______ for the love!Just behave!

Sara what did we do to deserve such a trial!

Well just ask Granny Fran and I'm sure she'll just smile.

Me On Being A Father

2007-04-06T13:57:00.000-05:00

Coming up on one month into this Jackson gig. Some observations:

*It's been surprising to me to realize how much I've over-romanticized my plunge into fatherhood. Don't get me wrong. Meeting and learning Jackson has been the single most thrilling experience of my life. And I have loved holding him, praying for him, whispering in his little ear that I love him and that all that I have is his. I mean really, I've spent days doing this. I guess it just didn't occur to me that his response to all my love and affection would amount to pooping mostly.

A story to illustrate my point. One of my favorite things about the whole birth process what they call "catching the baby". To avoid any nasty Discovery Channel type details, this simply means that literally the first hands to touch the boy were mine. Oddly enough, I was opposed to this at first. Let's just say that the view from behind my wife's ear, where I would stand whispering encouragement, seemed to be desirable to me. But the more I thought about it, the more catching my son out of the womb seemed to remind of, well God. I wanted to communicate the security of Jackson's sonship to him from the earliest possible moment. The more I thought about it like that, the more I opened up to the idea and eventually got excited about it. I began to think about it incessantly. What would I say to him? What declaration would I make over him that would stamp him forever as my son and entitle him to all that I have? Well after months of thinking about it, the moment came.

Midwife: Alright dad (me). Last push, would you like to catch the baby?

Me: When you say 'catch', do you imply that there's some kind of skill involved?

Midwife: One more push Chelsea, here we go.

I get in position.

Push...

Catch...

Me: Touchdown!

Then there was lots of crying but I eventually managed to pull it together, hold him close to my ear and whisper...

Me: Jackson, you are my son and I love you. My life is yours little man. Everything I have, everything I am is yours, that you would know that you are loved.

Yeah. Nailed it. And although I wasn't sure what kind of response I was looking for I can tell you it wasn't...

Midwife: Daddy, Jackson just pooped on you!

*The jury is still out on exactly who the boy is going to end up resembling more. Actually seeing as how he's bald and short he doesn't really favor me or his mother. This is time will change. As will, I hope, his fascinating and complete lack of understanding of how well he is cared for, something that in fact does remind me of me. Really. I think there are times when Jackson doesn't seem to trust us a bit. For instance:

Jackson: Scream!

Me: Whoa there man. It's okay. I'm here.

Jackson: Scream!

Me: Look, seriously, the list of things you could possibly need at the moment is quite short and I assure you, that between the two of us, your mother and I got your back.

Jackson: Scream!

Me: Okay. We'll run through the list. Diaper..clean. Food..you just nursed for an hour. Gas...thoroughly burped. Ahhh! I notice your eyes are getting a bit heavy. Your' sleepy. Problem solved!

Jackson: Scream!

Me: ?

*To date, Jackson's tearing up his fantasy baseball league which is impressive for someone who's a month old.

*In his first major riff with dad, he's come forward as a Steve Nash supporter for MVP this year.

*His favorite book so far seems to be Banker to the Poor: Micro-lending and the Battle Against World Poverty by Muhamed Yunus although we're trying to introduce Goodnight Moon and Giraffe's Big Day Out.

Master Shake On Being A Father

2007-04-06T13:56:00.001-05:00

Cardinals-Mets Opening Day Journal

2007-04-01T22:37:00.000-05:00

I missed the first with a crying baby. Jackson’s first cardinal game sure isn’t going all Field Of Dreamy-like.

Top Second. Delgado flies out to right. St. Louis:1 Delgado:0.

Wright just grounded out to Eckstein. God he looks like an 8 year old when he throws to first. Except for the part when the ball comes out at about 90 mph.

Alou singles up the middle. This hit was brought to you by the AARP.

Shawn Green gets his first career hit off Carpenter. I’ll have to wait on all my Shawn Green jokes.

Jose Valentine, or as I like to call him Herm Edwards, grounds out to Pujols. That was a hell of a play. Earning his Gold Glove already.

Two more innings missed on a phone call. Someday I hope to be a professional writer.

Cardinals just botched a suicide. Right pitch. Right time. Right batter. Carpenter just miffed it. Dropped the ball on home plate. Kennedy was tagged going back to third. Won’t see that play during the Yankee game tomorrow.

Green just got his second hit off Carpenter. Another hit for Shawn Green is another missed opportunity at a Shawn Green joke. Mets hitters are picking up Carpenter a bit too well. Not a good Fantasy Jackson night.

Here’s proof that LaRussa is ballsy if nothing else. Randolf had a perfect spot for a suicide with Glavine up and didn’t use it. No one executes that play as well or as much as the Cardinals. I mean until last inning.

Jackson is crying again. Reyes just walked. Carpenter can’t throw a strike. He’s thrown 63 pitches through 3 1/3 innings. LaDuca’s up. Bases loaded. Two outs. Two strikes. Jackson is still crying. I think he might need something. Base hit up the middle. 4-0 Mets. Carpenter gets a visit. My fantasy ERA is skyrocketing. Jackson has stopped crying. Two two-out RBI hits. 5-0 Mets. Daddy is crying.

Jackson has this funny thing about being held. Cradle him when he’s not tired and he’s likely to smack you in the face. If he’s awake, and fussy its one hand behind the head and one on the back. Rock very slightly. Change any of these details and he will let you know with a shriek I like to call the Gum-Blade.

Who’s worse: Joe Morgan or Tim McCarver? To compare the two is to risk creating a black hole of ego. Morgan just told Willie Randolph “Great job last year, I was pulling for you!” in an in-game interview. Professionalism. Now he just asked LaRussa “What was up with that DUI man?”

I missed the last 3 innings with a dirty diaper and some gas. Strange. Beltran just threw out Eckstein at home on no bounce. Play of the game so far. Rally killer. Only the second out but this inning’s over.

Glavine pitched around Pujols. Ball four was actually a strike but Glavine said he didn’t mean it. Two on for Rolen. Glavine plunks him. Has anyone else noticed that the best defensive third baseman of all time is 6’4, 250 and quick?

Bases decked for guess who? Yadi Moe. You’ve got to be kidding me. Could he seriously kill the Mets again!? Or, might he bloop out to short. Latter. 5-1 Mets.

Tyler Johnson in. Just made Delgado look silly on a third strike slider. Wright flies out. Tyler, you’re game check will be waiting in your locker.

Glavine’s been chased. And Shawn Green looks like Eric Bana. Sorry. It’s the best I can do when a guys goes 2 for 3. Edmonds managed an infield hit. Edmonds is like the friend that stands you up one night only to show up the next morning to help you clean your garage. Every time you’re fit to hate him he comes through. Bastard.

E’s Son’s of Hollywood takes the evening’s most annoying spot. From the channel that brought us Anna Nicole Smith and the Girls Next Door comes more of the same: rich, sexually delinquent bi-polar people.

Flores just set down the Mets in order. Two scoreless bullpen innings is the bright-spot for the Cardinals. A surprise in every box.

Pete Gammons is now doing an in-game interview with Tom Glavine in the shower. I would expect this from FOX but ESPN? They’re talking off speed pitches and conditioner. And how does Pete Gammons not have a steady stream of drool running down both sides of his mouth at all times? That guy has the jowls of a basset hound.

Bottom 8. Two on no outs for the Cardinals. Preston Wilson struck out on three pitches, head nipple and all.

Now Pujols. I just can’t think that Rolen is that threatening batting behind him. Apparently the Mets don’t either. 3 Straight balls. And a walk. Rolen’s the tying run at the plate. Here we go.

Pitching change. And why not? Tomorrow’s an off day. And can anyone tell why the Giants are having their first game a full 48 hours after opening day?

This at bat by Rolen might just foretell the kind of year Pujols will have. Rolen comes through here and teams will think twice about pitching around Albert. If not Pujols leads the majors in walks and Lance Berkman is your MVP.

And Herm Edwards make the new play of the game to rob Rolen of two RBI’s. Not sure what that means for Pujol’s MVP bid.

Brad Thompson is pitching for the birds. Looks like his parent’s signed his permission slip again this season. Seriously, this kid still has acne. No, I mean on his face.

Joe Morgan just said the ‘step to third throw to first move’ should be against the rules. Seeing as how it’s worked twice in the history of baseball is evidence that Joe just really wants to hear his own voice . 6-1 Mets. The Met’s defense is going to win this game for them and I GUARANTEE Morgan will say it was “just like I said.” I need some ice cream.

“I believe the Mets will be the best team in the National League because of the infield they run out there every day.”

Direct quote. Morgan is a hack.

Mets win 6-1. There's always tomorrow. And by that I mean Tuesday.

Time to feed the boy.

Two Faced

2007-04-01T16:25:00.000-05:00

If your interested in getting a Jackson...

he, like Barbie and humus, comes in many different varieties. There is...

'White Rapper' Jackson
'Tickle Me' Jackson
'American Idol' Jackson
'Screw You' Jackson
and 'Metallica Fan' Jackson.

When ordering please leave your preference with the receptionist and we will try our best to comply.

If The Boy Must Watch Cartoons...

2007-03-29T19:00:00.001-05:00

If you've yet to discover the wonder of ATHF, that probably means you won't care for it.

But c'mon. It's 4 DA SHORTEE!!!

I'm Goin' To Jackson!!!!!

2007-03-13T20:29:00.000-05:00

No Baby But A Great Record That Sounds Brilliantly Like Bruce Springsteen

2007-03-10T13:44:00.000-06:00

Click the image to preview! Hooray Arcade Fire! Hooray Canada!

I fell for these guys last year when I heard so much David Bowie in their Funeral album. This year, this record, I hear a bit of the Boss coming through. And wowie, does it tickle my glad button. I guess incorporating elements from two of THE most important acts in rock history is a formula for success.

Most important rock acts...hmmm.

5. Bruce Springsteen

4. David Bowie

3. Bob Dylan

2. John Cash

1. Robert Johnson/Hank Williams Sr.

Going to Jackson

2007-03-05T11:13:00.000-06:00

Your cries for a baby update have been heard.

I made it in this weekend and the boy graciously waited. We were thinking about doing the job sometime this week but really its up to whenever Moljr can meet me for beers.

Priorities still intact.

Man Up

2007-02-20T09:46:00.000-06:00

Most of you know. We are having ourselves a baby. His name is Jackson. After the Johhny and June song.

They made cool tunes together. We made a cool baby together. It just made sense.

Well, Jackson is coming. And fast. Chels flew back to the states last week to have more regular visits with the midwife and read wacky books about how much childbirth doesn't hurt but is rather "exhilarating." This, of course, leaves me in the D.R. to celebrate Carnival with these guys:

(Not fun like my wife.)

That's right, at the tail end of our very first pregnancy, we thought it would be a great idea to put an ocean between us. I mean, what could go wrong?

So in the absence of my wife and not at all because I've run out of money, I've been doing my fair share of reading up on the whole birthing process. One book, the one with all the naked hippies, talks a great deal about the "role of the coach." I'll assume they mean me. "Listen", the book says, "you are not allowed to show any emotion towards your wife other than encouragement and loving support. No matter how terrified you are, no matter how deep the depths of your absolute confusion as to what is happening to this poor woman's body, and no matter what it smells like, you are not allowed to project anything other than absolute confidence in her and yourself. If you do not feel confident LIE! If you are tired, scared, clueless as to what in the hell is happening, don't show it! The consequences could be severe, including a misshapen or ugly baby or worse: you could be known all over the birth center as the guy who's laboring wife had to tell him 'you can do it honey!' Do not be this man!"

So, I decided to try it out when I called Chels the other night.

Chels: Hi honey! How are you.

Me: wimper, sniff..

Chels: Hello?

Me: wimper, weep, miss you, sob

Chels: Jess, it's OK. You'll be here before you know it!

Me: weeping, wimper, can't...make...it.

Chels: Sigh. I've gotta go.

A step in the right direction I think.

Yoga for Your Pregnancy

2007-02-19T12:10:00.000-06:00

Yoga Pose #11: Beach Reach Pose

This pose can be accomplished by Taylor Sitting on the beach while reaching to retreive a **beverage** for your husband. Advanced practioners may want to try the double fisted reach. However, after 34 weeks you'll want to make sure and have a relaxed support nearby.

Yoga Pose #12: Prom Picture Pose. This pose can made more challenging for advanced yoga practioners by interlocking the fingers.

The Secret To Success: Sleep With Dudes!

2007-02-12T09:46:00.000-06:00

It's been one of those weeks in the news that makes me grateful to not live in the States. But however hard I try, some madness always seems to creep through. My beloved Mark Cuban's interview concerning professionally gay athletes, um, gay professional athletes, has GOT to be the capper to seven days of diaper lined insanity:

"From a marketing perspective, if you're a player who happens to be gay and you want to be incredibly rich, then you should come out, because it would be the best thing that ever happened to you from a marketing and an endorsement perspective. You would be an absolute hero to more Americans than you can ever possibly be as an athlete, and that'll put money in your pocket."

Ah, the struggle for equality. Not to mention all the cash to be made fighting for it.

To Pepe, My New Broker

2007-02-06T11:05:00.000-06:00

Yesterday (or so), my friend Pepe, after years of biting remarks and barbs of criticism, said this about NASA.

Today, the news said this about NASA.

You may now hang your head in shame Pepe. Shame.

Different Guy Same Mistake

2007-01-30T19:36:00.000-06:00

Another reason to root exclusively for the Mavs upon my return to Texas.

For The Fam

2007-01-30T19:24:00.001-06:00

Same (Um?) Guy

2007-01-22T10:28:00.000-06:00

Welcome to the world Lily Grace!

2007-01-19T09:20:00.000-06:00

I love her. I love her. I love her. My dear one Kaytie gave birth to this precious baby girl, Lily Grace Johnston, Monday early evening! I have fallen for her! I'm obsessed and giddy and proud. I can't stop staring at her picture!

Three cheers for kaytie and justin! You have blessed me, nay the world, with this lovliness!

The Sam To My Frodo The Click To My Clack

2007-01-18T11:39:00.000-06:00

My wife is my hero.

This past weekend we were up to our old tricks. By that I mean cleaning the apartment. Chels was on laundry. I was hanging a mirror in our bathroom. I grabbed up the mirror with both hands and found this fellow hanging out on the rear side:

Let's call him vile demon-spider. He didn't seem to enjoy me moving the mirror much and with quickness obviously aided by his demon-spider special powers jumped from the mirror to my hand, up my arm and onto the sink.

Heroically, I fainted.

But just before he climbed atop my chest to suck the very soul from my helpless and unconscious being, Chels got him with a flip-flop. It looked kind of like this:

That's me there on the ground. And the sword should be a flip-flop.

After killing the vile demon-spider she told me to wrap its evil corpse in toilet paper and put it in the trash. I did, but only after she told me it was "okay" several times.

Boy she's great.

Brilliant?Humble?Egodriven?

2007-01-12T20:43:00.003-06:00

Is it me or does U2 manage to pull off all three at once?

Thank You Gwen For The iTunes Gift Card Or Something Stevie And I Can Agree On

2007-01-09T20:11:00.000-06:00

Yowza! Click on the pic to sample the goodness.

Twins.

2006-12-21T10:50:00.000-06:00

I wish Thom Yorke would write a song about this guy!

2006-12-14T12:24:00.000-06:00

(did someone say something about wearing Santa hats?)

When It Comes Down To It...

2006-12-12T11:32:00.000-06:00

there's really two kind of people in the world: those who wear Santa Clause hats to work, and the rest of us.

Look, the rest of this post is going to be about Thom Yorke so if you want something else to do, here. (I imagine my target audience to be Trav and Hamster and Pepe and Seaner. Stevie read on if you like, but when you get bored, here.)

So, I've been locked in on York's solo record for going on three weeks straight. And I mean obsessively. Ask my wife and unborn child.

First things first. If you haven't yet, should you buy it? A great question with a fairly easy answer. It all depends on when you jumped off the Radiohead wagon. Look, Kid A and Amnesiac were purposefully polarizing records (more on that later) and if you thought they sounded more like Asteroids than the Radiohead you had come to know and love, you're going to want to stay way from the Eraser. But for many of us, A Thom Yorke vocal could be dropped over the sound of flatulence and we'd still find ourselves hypnotized and rapt with the beauty of it all. Shame on us. There's one, count them one, track on the Eraser that even hints at a band being anywhere in the building. And by "band" I mean Thom on very simple guitar, bass and kit tracks for a total of one looped measure. Everything else sounds like it came from a Powerbook. A British one. A fucking brilliant British one.

Do what you will with that review, but I'm moving on. As I've said, I've been a bit obsessive over York of late, like Kevin with reptiles. I've been consuming TY interviews and performances a dozen at a time for days. Weeks actually. As I've read, two impressive things continually return to the surface about this guy that are worth noting.

One. Yorke takes what he does VERY seriously. Read his interviews and there's not a hint of pretentiousness. What there is LOADS of though, is a sense of responsibility Yorke seems to place on himself. Over and over and over, he says things like "... as a person who is allowed to think a lot". Yorke has about as deep an understanding of his opportunity and responsibility as an artist than anyone since Bob Dylan. This was news to me. He says his content comes from one of two places: one, nightmares and two, an evaluation of what he sees going on around him and how that effects his environment. I knew about the nightmares. But how GREAT is it to hear an artist say, "look, I'm lucky enough to get to give good hard thought to the things around me and respond to them for a living. My plumber doesn't get to do that as much, nor get paid for it. So I want to take it seriously and be good at it. " Beats doing it for the Nookie.

Two. A repetitive lyrical theme for Yorke is the tension that exists between the systematic and the relational; the exaltation of efficiency over individuality and the doom that will come with it. Personally, I would go so far as to say its this message that lies at the core of Radiohead. Yorke often talks about Douglas Copeland in interviews and Radiohead's music and artwork reflect his ideas seamlessly; something innocent, paired with something ominous and or hopeless:

Alright. Thoughts?

Seaner and Pepe, get the whole record. Kevo and Trav start with Black Swan, Analyze, Atoms for Peace and the title track. Stevie, I hear John Mayer is touring. However, if you were going to appreciate anything on this record it might be Black Swan for the neato bass riff. C'mon, its 99 cents.

P.S. - Pepe this is for you. Stick with it for the whole 8 minutes and think systematic religion.

Nesting

2006-12-03T23:27:00.000-06:00

This weekend I baked and decorated Christmas cookies...

and Jesse had many quality hours with Stella.

Jesse sympathy nested with me ALL WEEKEND... sharing in my pregnancy symptoms. I wonder if soon he too will have the heartburn and constipation?

World Peace Achieved For Approximately 30 Seconds

2006-11-20T13:21:00.000-06:00

Anti-War Activists Plan 'Global Orgasm For Peace'.

A great idea really. Unless your single. Or have the clap.

Dominican Republic On Strike

2006-11-18T12:26:00.000-06:00

The thing and the thing that the man said and the PCD and PPL and such have just gone and done it for the last time! Who do they think they are... by the people for the people right. I think. The country is going on strike Thursday and Friday... and I'm going too. I'm in full agreement with the PCD about the thing that President Leonel said about the thing. I'm so mad... I'm not going to work for the rest of the week! I'm just not going to show up. I'm not going to show up for two whole days, enjoy my weekend and then head back to work on Monday. That's it. I've had it with the thing. I can't believe the President thinks it's going to work. Ridiculous. I'm so enraged I'm... I'm.... I'm going to go play paddle ball on the beach with my friends AND I just might have a Caprese pizza for dinner at Lax! Stupid politicians... we'll show them. Who's with me?

For Hamster and Seanboy; The Only Arkansas I Know

2006-11-14T13:57:00.000-06:00

A great NPR piece and new(er) Sufjan song about the Natural State.

Dear God

2006-11-12T15:15:00.000-06:00

Dear God,

Last weekend I found this in a marcado on the North Coast. There were many of them. Is this a sign telling us to live in the Dominican Republic forever?

Sincerely,
Chelsea

Terms You'll Need To Know As You Muddle Through Mid Term Election Results

2006-11-08T10:41:00.000-06:00

Aristocracy - Rule by a small, private and elite segment of society, typified in the U.S. by the rhythmically challenged, white upper class.

Gerrymandering - Drawing the boundaries of election districts in order to favor a party or individual. Seven year old Maria Santorum, an innocent victim of gerrymandering, cries after new district lines ran over her dog Petey.

Ex Post Facto - Criminal law applied retroactively to the disadvantage of the accused. Also the name of Florida Rep. Dave Weldon's cover band, which in his own words "...caught a huge break getting this mid-term election gig. I mean we don't want to get ahead of ourselves, but people in this room, ya know, know people."

Platform - Declaration of principles and policy positions of a particular party or candidate. Democratic candidate Tim Mahoney of Florida's 16th District won easily over Rep. Mark Foley after drafting a platform of 'I don't have sex with children.'

more to come.....

Friday Moment of Zen

2006-11-03T13:49:00.000-06:00

The boys at 3TC do it again.

WELL worth it. Thank God the Beast will find its ruin. (And by the beast I mean TBN and its broadcast associates.)

Thanks to our friends at 3rd Chair Trombone for the goodness.

Have a great weekend.

Wanna go to Kenya?

2006-11-01T15:54:00.000-06:00

I do... but alas this summer is not looking good. There's always 2008 for the Robertson Family Vacation to Africa. but you should go.... really.

Look at pictures here.
Find information here.

Really... you should, um, go.

St. Louis Takes World Series Trophy, Says Your Stereo Is Next

2006-10-30T13:17:00.000-06:00

Yikes...Anyone still up for visiting us over Christmas?

Look, it's not as bad as you think. All of our crimes have a sort of neighborly mid-west flavor to them. Our shootings are the friendliest you'll find anywhere in the nation. Our meth-labs give back to the community whenever possible and our casinos offer a "guns-for-chips" program that has proved wildly effective.

If you want that impersonal type crime they have out East you'll have to look elsewhere. Not here. In St. Louis we're neighbors. And we'll rob you like neighbors.

Go Cards. Or I bust one in yo' ass.

I Owe It All To Pepe

2006-10-28T00:30:00.000-05:00

More Fake News

2006-10-24T12:24:00.000-05:00

Al Gore Visits Berkeley, Charges Up Prop. 87 rally
SAYS MEASURE TO FUND GREEN ENERGY HELPS TACKLE CLIMATE CRISIS
By Rick Jurgens, MediaNews

Former Vice President Al Gore appeared in Berkeley on Monday to lend his celebrity and reputation as a crusader against global warming to a measure on California's Nov. 7 ballot that would tax oil companies to raise $4 billion for green energy projects.

"I'm here to change peoples' minds on the climate crisis, support Prop 87, and I need some new hemp flip-flops'' Gore called to a group of reporters after he emerged from his 100 miles per gallon Toyota Prius that brought him to a noontime rally in a sun-drenched park behind Berkeley's City Hall.

His motorcade also included three motorcycles, two limousines and a Dodge Ram 1500 heavy duty truck. "It's cool though", said the former VP when asked about the large motorcade. "Those vehicles run on alternative energy sources including condor eggs, elephant tusks and bald eagle heads."

Mr. Robertson's Class

2006-10-23T12:18:00.000-05:00

Hooray! Yes students... you may rejoice. Mr. Robertson is no longer deathly ill. I know you missed him Wednesday, Thursday and Friday.

So get ready to work because he's back today. Mr. Robertson's Cross Dressing Class WILL be meeting at the usual time today, Monday, October 23rd.

Yes you heard me correctly! Thank the Lord for such a speedy recovery.

With Apologies To Pepe

2006-10-20T15:57:00.000-05:00

A few things worth noting:

1- The Bachata music playing before Beltran's at-bat. Welcome to my world. Everyday. But much louder.

2- Joe Buck's call of the first two strikes. Understated. Let the tension do the talking.

3- Then there's Tim Mcarver's call on the replay after strike two. "Fastball strike one...strike two fouled off Beltran's right leg..." Idiotic and inane. Overstating the obvious with his let-me-clue-you-in tone. Classic Mcarver. Almost as rich as his 6th inning gem, "the infield is getting wetter and wetter the more it rains." Someone punch me. Just knock me out.

Thom Yorke Sent Me Some Spam

2006-10-17T12:27:00.000-05:00

Caption Please...

2006-10-16T10:52:00.000-05:00

Canadian Thanksgiving

2006-10-09T11:38:00.000-05:00

This weekend I realized the number one contributing factor as to the way the history of western civilization played out:

Man's absolute inability to find China. Which is funny because it's pretty big.

The Norse, the Africans (and yes African discovery of the America's pre-dates Columbus by a century or two but tell that to the white Euros who wrote the books), and even the ass-rod himself, Chris Columbus, aka The Lord of Smallpox and Native Rape, all bumped into our fine continent thinking they were a tad further east.

Turns out even the Canadians were fooled upon their landing just to the north of us...

Martin Frobisher: "Ahh China. Now, about universal healthcare..."

Inuit Boy: "This is Newfoundland."

Thus, Canadian Thanksgiving. Much like our own American version, Canadian Thanksgiving celebrates a harvest of some sort, although only the good ol' US of A can make the claim that much of that first harvest was stolen from the Natives. Details. Also, Canadian Thanksgiving takes place on the second Monday in October. They had to be done with the harvesting earlier than the American settlers due to the fact that if you go outside in Canada any later than October you die.

Here were some highlights of our first celebration...

According to custom, Canadians traditionally feast on the hearts of baby seals. We had turkey.

Oddly enough, football is a part of the Canadian Thanksgiving festivities. Here Marita and I take in the Eagles-Cowboys game. Fun because Marita is from Philly and I'm a Cowboys fan by marriage. Not fun because the 'Boys lost. But in following with Canadian tradition Marita and I were allowed only reactions of indifference.

And in keeping with American custom Jaquie, who got in under the dating-a-Canadian clause , helped to force our traditions on all non- Americans present.

Happy Hamster Day

2006-09-27T22:12:00.000-05:00

This here is my most favorite album of all time. The Rise and Fall of Ziggy Stardust and the Spiders From Mars. My friend Kevo bought me the original vinyl version when we lived together.

I would venture to say that the overwhelming majority of music worth listening to these days has at least a bit of artistic origin in one of Ziggy's eleven brilliant tracks. I hear Coldplay in Five Years. I hear the Lips in Soul Love and Starman. I hear alt-country in It Ain't Easy. And I hear one of the greatest rock songs ever in Suffragette City.

This record has touched lots of great stuff.

In this, this record is like the Hamster, my friend, Kevin Still.

He likes to touch people.

Men, women, children; indiscriminate is the Hamster, towards those he touches.

So here's to you Kevin. Touching people. It's what you do.

Happy Birthday.

Funny/Not Funny: The Office Season Premiere

2006-09-22T08:38:00.000-05:00

Dwight's "False!", Creed saying that "a man or two might have slipped in there" and the final five minutes will bring me back next week. Other than that, the writers are treading dangerous ground. I told my wife after the season finale that a serious plot string tied into a comedy spreads like an infection and eventually kills it. I also, in fact, guaranteed the scene of Pam's fiancee crying. Awkward. And not the funny kind. The Jim and Pam plot line is quickly turning this show from one my wife and I enjoy thoroughly to one my wife watches with her girlfriends. So, for the good of us all...

FUNNY:

NOT FUNNY:

Again,

FUNNY:

NOT FUNNY:

Look maybe Jiff or Bobby or Tim or Stevie or Moljr or any number of you who know much more about screenwriting than I do can help me out here, but what is the logic of taking a formula that was (1) very funny and (2) won you an Emmy, and tossing it? And I'd like to believe I'm not just pissed about a romantic story line in general, but rather a story line that CHANGES THE MOOD OF THE WHOLE SHOW!!

PS- my wife is going to be furious with me on this one. She loved every moment of that embrace.